Woe Unto Those Who Seek Ye Advice
M.D. Wright
12.24.09
I'm going to take a break from writing from a man's perspective. Every now and then, I take suggestions from my friends with regards to what I will write about. A friend of mine and I were talking last night about some things she's dealing with and from whom she has received advice (however unsolicited it may have been in one particular case). As always, I worked a humorous angle into it all and we had a few good laughs about it. However, I do want to address two things.
1. SINGLE LADIES: BEWARE WHO YOU RECEIVE ADVICE FROM.
Why do I say this? There is a hierarchy that, for the most part, is in place to help young ladies and young professional women in their 20s and early 30s maneuver the landscape -- as pertains to dealing with men. Older women are wise for a reason: they've lived longer. They've seen more than you have and have an answer for almost every possible scenario and predicament. If you have any true, serious concerns about "men issues", why not seek their advice? Is this too easy? Hmmmm...
What do a good number of women aged 18-34 do, though? They ask their (supposed) friends.
Friends have your best interest in mind.
Friends tell you the truth about YOURSELF, especially if you're dead wrong.
Friends don't set you up to fail.
Friends, even if they are not happy themselves, will not put you out just to land you in the same miserable boat they're in.
Keep those points in mind as I wade through this further.
This demographic (18-34 year old women) usually has a solid network of female friends. And they know who they trust and who they don't. A growing number nowadays has more male friends (or all male friends -- something that bugs me more and more, because if you can't get along with women, knowing that "game recognizes game" and you try to put things over on men, some of whom will see right through you -- then something's amiss). But for those who rely upon their female friends for advice -- the ones who are their age, listen up.
What does each of them have in common?
Do you notice the dichotomy between the advice you receive from the Single Angry Women vs. Older Women/Happily Married Women?
My friend argued that Single Angry Women should not give advice. Period. End of story. Although I'm never really faced with this scenario as a man (I don't consult any woman under 35 about hardly ANYTHING unless she's talking about the Bible or Academics ha -- otherwise, what is she going to tell me? So this is enlightening to me to a degree), I listened to her and she made some salient points.
Single Angry Women are often bitter. Stinging from a relationship gone sour. They're angry at men. They're miserable. They're lonely. And the advice they will give you will most likely land you in the same boat if you don't learn to take out the meat and leave the bone that is the root of their bitterness. They're alone, lonely, can't get a man and they're TIGHT because of these facts. Worse yet, as your friend, they claim to have your best interest in mind, but they want you to be miserable right along with them. DEAR GOD MIKE, how is this possible, you ask? Well, let me give you the drop.
How many of you have found yourself in the following situation?
You met a guy, and you hit an inevitable bump in the road. Nothing serious, you just need to iron things out and communicate some things to one another. Nothing detrimental to the overall direction of the relationship (whether you're just talking, newly committed or been together for a while as an exclusive couple). Now, you go to your Single Angry friend and she will take your situation and make it seem like the Geneva Convention just got scrapped and is telling you to curse the man our, fly off the handle (to provoke him) and other ridiculous, buffoonish advice that is going to cause you a break-up.
Why would they do this? Well, my friend even gave me reasons why she thinks this is so (I am aghast just typing this, because it makes me both cringe and laugh with awe -- the intricacies of the female/female friend relationship ha). I've definitely encountered situations where I've been talking to a woman and, while I have my faults, in these situations I hadn't done anything wrong. Indeed, they were either cheating, wanted an out or what have you -- and their friends knew they were no good and weren't worthy of having me. But somehow managed to get into my interest's head and get her to turn the tables on me. And yes, I've been cursed out, flipped out on, given the alligator tears of despair -- all because she wanted an our and had eyes (and God knows what else sheesh) for another man.
But my friend threw out a few scenarios and I'm dying laughing just reading what I am typing after she gave it to me.
1. The advice from the Single Angry Woman will "always" be negative, she says. Hmmmmm. Interesting. I'll keep that in mind ha.
2. They want you to stay single along with them so you can continue hitting the clubs with them on the weekends. HAAAAAAAAAAAA I bet.
3. They know that giving you logical advice (like talking things out) will keep you in the relationship, so they'll tell you to cause a ruckus, curse the guy out and cause drama, because 9 times out of 10 a breakup/flee is coming soon.
WOW. Just WOW.
DISCUSS.
As politically incorrect as I wanna be.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Law & Finances -- The Crux Of This Blog And What I Aspire To Do
Law & Finances -- The Crux Of This Blog And What I Aspire To Do
M.D. Wright
12.24.09
Some have wondered aloud to me "why 'Law and Finances'?" in reference to the title of my blog -- given that I talk mostly about Sports and Music. As with most things pertaining to me, there's more to it than meets the eye. To understand me, to be around me, you have to ALWAYS be thinking; because I AM. I'm like an artist "before his time", or a basketball player whose game was before his time, or a rapper who uses metaphors, slang and wordplay that is before his time and people deem as elementary because they can't decipher it on the surface.
But let me break things down a bit.
People think "Law" and think "Law & Order" and the courtroom. I have no desire nor plans to work in a courtroom setting. Most of my legal work will involve contracts at the negotiating table and working on Wall St. as a Financial Advisor. Indeed, I've worked on Wall St. already and gaining more expertise in the area of Financial Advising.
As many of you know, I obtained my Life, Health & Accident Insurance License in 2006. Prior to that, I had been approached by several companies (one of my regrets in life being that I didn't take advantage of what they offered at the time) to become a Financial Services Advisor. At the time, I saw "commission"/sales and balked. Truth is, back between 2000-2004, I had very little fiscal responsibility and tons in assets. I had the flexibility to do it then. I dropped the ball.
It wasn't until I had reached my wits' end that I returned to this, through that prophetic word God sent through my friend in 2004.
I've always had a calling on my life to do three things: 1) Help/Teach people 2) Use my musical ability and subsequently-attained knowledge of the music industry and 3) Work in sports in several capacities. Those of you who knew me years ago both in Greensboro and in New York know I was a year-round athlete, playing almost every sport and excelling in nearly all of them. I was one of the fastest guys in high school, I had a jump shot that most guys had nightmares guarding against, I (tried) to emulate Deion Sanders playing cornerback at football, I had a rifle of an arm while playing right field in baseball and softball, I am an avid swimmer (I suck at tennis, however ha), and maintain a 208 average in bowling and trying to get under 20 handicap in golf (after a 2 year layoff).
Needless to say, I have a calling in sports. I also want to do voice over work in sports, broadcast journalism, become an offensive line coach, own a team, you name it. I want to coach (again -- as I coached high school basketball for 3 years in the past). I want to be immersed in sports and music.
I played drums, keys and guitar before I even got to the 5th grade. I read sheet music (Thanks to Mrs. Mooring) before I was 10 and played a number of melodies on the keys. I had learned my chords on the guitar, but did not stick with it -- and I played drums for 7 years before being forced to give it up in 1994; still haven't gotten back to it. But with all those abilities, along with a desire to produce sounds and beats, coupled with the newfound digital technology we have at our disposal nowadays -- not to mention the bevy of talented singers and rappers I have around me -- I have unlimited potential.
But back to my original point -- I named this blog Law & Finances because everything I do and will do has a legal and fiscal connotation or underpinning involved with it. I had always thought about becoming a policeman and later entering into the legal profession after watching my mom work with the then-judge of Vance County in North Carolina for years. I don't even know what that guy does now, probably a DA or something ha, but with that, I kind of had a leg up when learning how to handle my business growing up. It spills into everything I do. I actually put the attorney generals in New York and North Carolina to good use, because I actually understand what their role is. Knowing that early on in life helped.
I also learned a lot about finances and managing them. Starting with my parents, then on to a close family friend, Mr. Terence Franklin, who gave me a wealth of insight into real estate investing, to a local millionaire who had shown me a few of the ropes to investing in real estate, life insurance, stocks and starting businesses. I learned quite a bit back in the latter part of the 1990s and first part of this decade.
People tell me that the trials that began to flood into my life in the past 4 years are there to help remind me of where I was brought from and to be able to relate to the people I will forever serve. That may be true, but one thing is for certain, it doesn't have to wait until then. I can do it with this blog, for starters, and that is what I hope I am doing -- aside from all the football talk, relationship banter and random thoughts, there is a wealth of information about legal procedure out there, as well as insight into the music industry, the sports field and starting businesses in general. I did not want to bore people by blogging about those topics since I began this blog in 2006, but I would not be doing justice by not sharing information that is vital to a new generation of up-and-comers.
Be on the lookout for that WAVE. In 2010, if you are not taking advantage of the multitude of opportunities and the influx of information at your disposal, you're NOT WAVY.
DECEMBER 24, 2009. I'm giving it to you BEFORE Watch Night ha.
M.D. Wright
12.24.09
Some have wondered aloud to me "why 'Law and Finances'?" in reference to the title of my blog -- given that I talk mostly about Sports and Music. As with most things pertaining to me, there's more to it than meets the eye. To understand me, to be around me, you have to ALWAYS be thinking; because I AM. I'm like an artist "before his time", or a basketball player whose game was before his time, or a rapper who uses metaphors, slang and wordplay that is before his time and people deem as elementary because they can't decipher it on the surface.
But let me break things down a bit.
People think "Law" and think "Law & Order" and the courtroom. I have no desire nor plans to work in a courtroom setting. Most of my legal work will involve contracts at the negotiating table and working on Wall St. as a Financial Advisor. Indeed, I've worked on Wall St. already and gaining more expertise in the area of Financial Advising.
As many of you know, I obtained my Life, Health & Accident Insurance License in 2006. Prior to that, I had been approached by several companies (one of my regrets in life being that I didn't take advantage of what they offered at the time) to become a Financial Services Advisor. At the time, I saw "commission"/sales and balked. Truth is, back between 2000-2004, I had very little fiscal responsibility and tons in assets. I had the flexibility to do it then. I dropped the ball.
It wasn't until I had reached my wits' end that I returned to this, through that prophetic word God sent through my friend in 2004.
I've always had a calling on my life to do three things: 1) Help/Teach people 2) Use my musical ability and subsequently-attained knowledge of the music industry and 3) Work in sports in several capacities. Those of you who knew me years ago both in Greensboro and in New York know I was a year-round athlete, playing almost every sport and excelling in nearly all of them. I was one of the fastest guys in high school, I had a jump shot that most guys had nightmares guarding against, I (tried) to emulate Deion Sanders playing cornerback at football, I had a rifle of an arm while playing right field in baseball and softball, I am an avid swimmer (I suck at tennis, however ha), and maintain a 208 average in bowling and trying to get under 20 handicap in golf (after a 2 year layoff).
Needless to say, I have a calling in sports. I also want to do voice over work in sports, broadcast journalism, become an offensive line coach, own a team, you name it. I want to coach (again -- as I coached high school basketball for 3 years in the past). I want to be immersed in sports and music.
I played drums, keys and guitar before I even got to the 5th grade. I read sheet music (Thanks to Mrs. Mooring) before I was 10 and played a number of melodies on the keys. I had learned my chords on the guitar, but did not stick with it -- and I played drums for 7 years before being forced to give it up in 1994; still haven't gotten back to it. But with all those abilities, along with a desire to produce sounds and beats, coupled with the newfound digital technology we have at our disposal nowadays -- not to mention the bevy of talented singers and rappers I have around me -- I have unlimited potential.
But back to my original point -- I named this blog Law & Finances because everything I do and will do has a legal and fiscal connotation or underpinning involved with it. I had always thought about becoming a policeman and later entering into the legal profession after watching my mom work with the then-judge of Vance County in North Carolina for years. I don't even know what that guy does now, probably a DA or something ha, but with that, I kind of had a leg up when learning how to handle my business growing up. It spills into everything I do. I actually put the attorney generals in New York and North Carolina to good use, because I actually understand what their role is. Knowing that early on in life helped.
I also learned a lot about finances and managing them. Starting with my parents, then on to a close family friend, Mr. Terence Franklin, who gave me a wealth of insight into real estate investing, to a local millionaire who had shown me a few of the ropes to investing in real estate, life insurance, stocks and starting businesses. I learned quite a bit back in the latter part of the 1990s and first part of this decade.
People tell me that the trials that began to flood into my life in the past 4 years are there to help remind me of where I was brought from and to be able to relate to the people I will forever serve. That may be true, but one thing is for certain, it doesn't have to wait until then. I can do it with this blog, for starters, and that is what I hope I am doing -- aside from all the football talk, relationship banter and random thoughts, there is a wealth of information about legal procedure out there, as well as insight into the music industry, the sports field and starting businesses in general. I did not want to bore people by blogging about those topics since I began this blog in 2006, but I would not be doing justice by not sharing information that is vital to a new generation of up-and-comers.
Be on the lookout for that WAVE. In 2010, if you are not taking advantage of the multitude of opportunities and the influx of information at your disposal, you're NOT WAVY.
DECEMBER 24, 2009. I'm giving it to you BEFORE Watch Night ha.
An Ode (Of Sorts)
An Ode (Of Sorts)
M.D. Wright
12.24.09
I'm almost going to write this half freestyle, half verse, but these are just random thoughts going through my mind.
See, I'm an old-fashioned kind of cat. I'm not a neanderthal. I'm not a man who wants a woman barefoot in the kitchen and never advancing herself academically or enhancing her skill set. No, not even. In actuality, I want her to be smart like me. Hell, I'm secure enough that she can be SMARTER than me and that's just fine. We'll never run out of the things to talk about, you see?
I give shouts to the women of generations past. They are like the 80s -- never to be recaptured again, but forever causing those who lived those times to wax nostalgic while living in this Generation L (L being for lost, ya know). Those women supported you, they cooked, they cleaned, they made sure you were in school, they held down jobs. They were APPRECIATED for it -- and most importantly, they LOVED making sure their family was taken care of and didn't feel demeaning doing so.
Why, you ask? Because that's the way God wired 'em, I believe. Has there ever been a better period of recorded history than the period from the early 1950s-early 1990s for raising a family?
I'll wait.
God thinks women are so special.
So do I.
And we both believe they are special for the same reasons:
There is no one, no THING, no living SPECIES with the capability, the wherewithal, the spirit and internal resources to raise a child, nurture a family and support a man as his wife than a WOMAN can. God believes those roles are so noble that He reserved them JUST FOR WOMAN.
For this, I give an ode to my grandmothers, my great aunts, my older aunts and older cousins and those even before them, upon whom this fact was not lost.
... and I pity this current generation and the ones to come to whom this is mostly lost.
GOD HELP US.
M.D. Wright
12.24.09
I'm almost going to write this half freestyle, half verse, but these are just random thoughts going through my mind.
See, I'm an old-fashioned kind of cat. I'm not a neanderthal. I'm not a man who wants a woman barefoot in the kitchen and never advancing herself academically or enhancing her skill set. No, not even. In actuality, I want her to be smart like me. Hell, I'm secure enough that she can be SMARTER than me and that's just fine. We'll never run out of the things to talk about, you see?
I give shouts to the women of generations past. They are like the 80s -- never to be recaptured again, but forever causing those who lived those times to wax nostalgic while living in this Generation L (L being for lost, ya know). Those women supported you, they cooked, they cleaned, they made sure you were in school, they held down jobs. They were APPRECIATED for it -- and most importantly, they LOVED making sure their family was taken care of and didn't feel demeaning doing so.
Why, you ask? Because that's the way God wired 'em, I believe. Has there ever been a better period of recorded history than the period from the early 1950s-early 1990s for raising a family?
I'll wait.
God thinks women are so special.
So do I.
And we both believe they are special for the same reasons:
There is no one, no THING, no living SPECIES with the capability, the wherewithal, the spirit and internal resources to raise a child, nurture a family and support a man as his wife than a WOMAN can. God believes those roles are so noble that He reserved them JUST FOR WOMAN.
For this, I give an ode to my grandmothers, my great aunts, my older aunts and older cousins and those even before them, upon whom this fact was not lost.
... and I pity this current generation and the ones to come to whom this is mostly lost.
GOD HELP US.
Relationships: Black Women & Black Men -- Why The Dichotomy?
Relationships: Black Women & Black Men -- Why The Dichotomy?
M.D. Wright
12.24.09
***EDITOR'S NOTE: As I write this, I have to explain that this is written from a MAN'S standpoint. And a BLACK MAN'S standpoint at that.
You know, I'm no Dr. Phil (thank God), but I get more questions asked of me daily as if I were. Questions about relationships. I will say this: I am trying to wade through the same BS that you all are and definitely don't have all the answers. People have become so accustomed to "faking it until they make it" and trying to "be who they want you to be" in order to impress others that they don't know how to be genuine and transparent anymore.
I can say for all of my qualities and warts alike, you cannot knock me for not being fully honest and transparent. That goes for every relationship I have from God on down to the same few people I see on the 1 train or the express bus every day and just shoot the s--- with while standing on line.
But this situation is dire. And for all the blither and back and forth that has gone on for the better part of an ENTIRE GENERATION, no progress has been made. If anything, we've REGRESSED. How is this possible you ask? How is it that no other ethnicity out there has such dichotomies in their relationships like Black people do? I don't have all the answers, but what I HAVE observed over the years has yielded quite a few axioms. Let me share:
1. MISS INDEPENDENT MOVEMENT.
For all the progress that Black women have made in the corporate arena, which was both necessary and welcome -- because the world needs their wisdom and unique contribution that no one else can provide. This is not placation nor fluff, these are true stories. The world takes on a different verve and character when Black women put their imprint on the things they are involved with. Just look at TV shows for a minor example. Look at Bennett College in Greensboro, NC. Look at Deloitte, a company based here in New York that has done an excellent job in promoting women who have families but are also business leaders and executives (including Black women). Things would not be the same without Black women present.
But there are things that SOME (not all, certainly) of these women do that alienate them from not only Black men but nearly all men. Why not date women? In some cases, many are starting to ha (I promise I'm going to keep it serious from here on in, but there has been an upshoot in lesbian coming out parties this decade -- but that is for another note, another day). No man wants to hear about all the degrees you have, where you went to school, how prestigious your job is and all your "celebrity buddies" off cuffs. Those are all perks, but if you are your resume, you are not going to get far with any worthwhile men.
These (from hence forward "these"/"they" refer to the SOME, not to those to which this does not apply) types are the very ones who claim about a supposed dearth of good men -- or any men at all. What a flippant statement to make. One parallel I have noticed is the MISS INDEPENDENT types and those of their ilk are usually the status chasers (the High School QB, Point Guard or the bad boy, who passes over 75 "regular dudes" to get to these guys, who have tons of action in their face themselves -- then get upset when they inevitably suffer a let down, and take it out on every man she meets thereafter). Even once she meets and gives a decent, smart, hard/smart-working fellow, he gets her newfound attitude, has her baggage thrust upon him and worst yet, gets to hear her constantly recite her resume to him (since she wants to now date the guy who is the antithesis of who hurt her repeatedly in the past -- his education, job status and income may not even reach hers).
Let me stop there for a second.
Why is it that women claim to be smarter than men, have Women's Intuition and all this nonsense, but never seem to apply it? If you have it, why don't you give a WORTHWHILE gentleman your all instead of your leftovers and baggage? I'm no slouch, sucker, chump or wuss by any stretch. Anyone who knows me knows this. I am disarmingly charming, Type A/Alpha male, strong-minded/willed and a dominant personality -- all while maintaining a gentlemanly demeanor. Hard for many guys to pull off, but I do it and have for years. If the converse of what women claimed were true, shouldn't I have been beating all these so-called qualified women off with sticks for the better part of the last decade instead of dealing with someone's sloppy seconds and Vengeful Vanika on The Rebound?
But I digress.
I could write for hours, but a guy doe snot want to hear your resume after he's met you. He does not need to hear it every time you have a disagreement over cat food. Why does your f'n job and where you went to school factor in something such as whether or not you can cook and clean? IT DOES NOT. KNOCK IT OFF, like Ryan Leaf says here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMe0Rz1frdE (sorry, I can't avoid putting humor into this, it's just a part of who I am ha).
I've had women roll with me when the proverbian gettin' was good -- when I had the 350Z, making good money, flipping it and spending freely. I've had them run out when tough times came and I had to pay for 4 years of school entirely out of pocket and having to sell everything I owned in order to complete my education. Although I did this for ME and ONLY ME, I thought (looking back on all the sacrifices I made just to go back to school -- some of which I am still dealing with to this day) this sort of dedication and perseverance was what women admired? Hmmmm... still comes down to what you have. I remember this one chick, who was all about status, all about material things and what a huge salary she was going to make from her job just because of her education -- she would see me parking my car at UNCG and we'd usually pull up at the same time. She flirted with me every day she saw me. Gave me lifts from the parking lot to my class in HER car (you know I'm no pimp, but I don't turn down offers of service ha), but when I had to sell that car two years later and depleted my savings paying for school, she didn't even know me anymore (and saw me just as frequently).
I'm certainly not pinning all of this on Black women. Not at all. From a materialistic standpoint, that's a universal problem. The thing is, I have YET to have one willing to build with me from where I CURRENTLY am. Oh, I get kind words and this, that and the third, but that's usually from older women or someone spewing out clichés they've heard around church. Never mind the fact that I am working toward some major endeavors that will come to fruition very soon, without the evidence of the success in place, I get nary a notice from MISS INDEPENDENT. But once the success pops off, who will be in my face? Some of self same ones who ignored me these past 4 years.
Why do I interject these two personal scenarios in the previous two paragraphs? Because I know a lot of Black men who are nodding their heads (press "like" RIGHT NOW if you nodded your head while reading that line) as they read this knowing they've been there themselves. The problem is, Black women don't even realize they're doing this many times. Some are malicious, but the majority aren't aware.
2. MISS INDEPENDENT'S PROBLEM.
She's so consumed with herself to realize the deterioration of the relationships with Black men (on all levels, not just dating/marriage) around her. Everything is about her job, her money, her house, her car, her education and reminding you of it all the time. What she fails to realize is that ESPECIALLY in 2009, (and the past 10 years in general) more than any other time, Black women are yielding interviews and landing jobs at a ratio that mirrors the Atlanta Falcons' chance of winning the Super Bowl this year. OK, that may be long odds, but my point is in essence, for every job that comes out and for every 1 job that a Black man lands, 15 Black women will land a job with equal or superior pay than he does; sometimes (especially since 2008) with less education. She is getting jobs that Black men were almost certain to get coming out of college between 1975-2005. Instead of realizing and being mindful of that fact, she goes and puts down Black men who are doing everything they can to keep themselves afloat with very little support, I may add -- when she got the job in SPITE of him, not because he's not "manning up" or "not trying".
As one of my friends, Lauren Carter says, "keep listening to Oprah, and you'll end up just like her (and not the richest Black woman in the US part, but an emotional wreck), keep listening to Tyra and you'll be alone". Why not just cut out the bull and heartache and just date women? That's where we are at this point, right?
All these factors cause strain on relationships that are already propped up with toothpicks as it is. A Black man has few places of refuge in this world. The home was one of the few left outside of the basketball court, football field, the studio booth, the pool hall or the bar (because God KNOWS church isn't the place right now).
I've heard every simpleton's conspiracy theory as to why Black men have begun dating and marrying women who aren't Black. Some of it is mere preference. And YES, one can have a preference that doesn't mirror him nor his mother (DEAR GOD CAN THAT GUILT TRIP OF A LINE BE RETIRED ALREADY???) and not be totally influenced by the media. It CAN be as simple as that. And yes, equally small numbers on the other end of the spectrum ARE self-loathing, image-consumed lackwit buffoons who only care about skin color.
BUT THE VAST MAJORITY COULD NOT CARE LESS.
All this talk about "self-hate", "he must hate his mother, since he doesn't exclusively date Black women", or (my personal favorite) "He's intimidated by my education/success/income" WUAAAAHWAUAHWAUWAWHWAHAWAAAAWAAAAAAAAAAA -- all that nonsense sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher to me. KNOCK IT OFF. To a secure man, whether you have a dollar or 23 million of them matters not. If you don't have the character to sustain you, then who cares? Mind you, insecure men are usually male golddiggers and don't care about character, just as long as you have that guap. Truth is, I can speak for many Black men when I say that "other" women are much more willing to get to know us, are interested and even intrigued to find out what makes us tick (and not talking sexual, curious things), and are generally more accepting of us where we ARE. Now, more than ever, Black women (THE ONES TO WHICH THIS APPLIES -- NOT ALL) won't give an average Black man a fair shot, unless she can see obvious signs that he's going to be rich and/or famous. It's not just trailer trash White women, or no-one-else-wants-them-so-I-guess-so women from India or southeast Asia, or those mixed with other races who don't really fit into one category, or Latinas or whoever -- that are generally more accepting, but truly, today , more than ever, I can say I have female friends from almost every country in the Western Hemisphere and many from across the Atlantic as well. I'm 30 years old and have been many places and met different women. Even in casual settings, with no strings attached, the greeting, incidental conversation is different. Who am I more likely to get a smile and courteous conversation from -- even if it is just to shoot the s---? Whereas, who am I most likely to get the ice grill, cold stares, look-aways like Magic Johnson http://www.livetoknow.com/articles/Magic_Johnson.jpg or even straight up snarls and gnashing of teeth from? Who, then, is most likely to get more attention from me?
I don't care what other guys do. Use your Women's Intuition, some God-given DISCERNMENT and realize who you have in front of you and save the attitude for those who deserve it. I speak for many Black men when I say this. We're sick of it. THE END.
Another side note:
Why do women value sensitivity so much, but are quick to label a guy who exhibits he's not a Neanderthal Man, while certainly NOT gay, but they love hanging around gay dudes? Any non-gay man should cringe and become immediately uncomfortable around that spirit. I will not entertain arguments to the contrary. If you are not gay, you are not comfortable being around gay men for more than a few moments. If you are, you better do some soul searching.
I bring this up, because it will lead me to my third and final point.
3. CHECKLISTS.
All women have laundry lists for what they want in a man. Some keep it short and sweet. Some have quite a few things on the list, but they are foundational things and not superfluous, frivolous, vain, spurious "demands" like MISS INDEPENDENT and much of this current generation has.
Should you not have values and demand chivalry, respect and other foundational things? OF COURSE NOT. If you present a man with THOSE things up front and not your resume, he's bound to respect you more. If he doesn't -- good, you have the freedom to cut your losses and move on without going down the valley with him like so many young knucklehead females incessantly do.
But what happens nowadays when you meet a lot of these 20-30 somethings nowadays? "I want this". "I want that". Almost none of them even have a concept of cooking nor cleaning. These are not "women's JOBS", but rather ways of expressing your love and care for your man. Even if you're under your parents' roof and you serve your father or even brother that way, it speaks volumes about your character, not because it is a woman's JOB, nor something to be deemed as insulting or demeaning.
I would go on a tangent about what "submission" means. But Submission and Subservience are NOT synonymous. Why, then, do MISS INDEPENDENT types cringe at this? I'll let YOU answer that, while you formulate your response with the following axiom in mind: THE MAN IN THIS CASE HAS THE PURE, GODLY FORM OF SUBMISSION IN MIND -- not the negative one that many are accustomed to.
DISCUSS.
While you ruminate upon that corollary, consider this as well: women -- Black women more so (as it can be substantiated and proven) are quick to have "deal breakers" and "must haves" over silly things. Dig in their closets enough and you'll wonder how they could ever be so finite about what a man can or cannot be to her when she has just as many slip-ups in her past. Quick to write off a man because he logged a misdemeanor when he was young and at folly. What about you and sleeping with half the football players and basketball team when you were in high school -- YOUNG AND AT FOLLY? What if he wrote you off after finding that out? Or to have the fact that you had a child out of wedlock during that same period of your life?
I hear women constantly saying there are no good men left. Some are resorting to dating gay men (W. T. F.) I'm not getting started on that, but once again, the very women who scream the loudest about this usually have the longest laundry lists of "must haves" and "dealbreakers" and usually are also the ones passing over good men left and right to pull a Brian Dawkins and leap over to snatch the cash cow that is running by them in the process.
I'm gonna end this one bluntly and I don't care if you get upset with me and defriend me for it -- as a matter of fact, if you don't like it, TURN OFF YOUR STATION AND PLEASE DELETE ME --
Stop blaming everything that is going wrong in your relationships on Black men. Remember, sometimes it's YOU. But if you never take a look in the mirror and realize how detestable you have become, you'll never realize it.
But those of you who have the most things on your "list" and have all these Death Penalty Deal Breakers are almost NEVER reaching the level YOURSELVES that you expect from a man. Successful women who have made it and are really truly doing something substantive don't have the time to construct all these cockamamie lists that have little to do with anything lasting long-term. Show me one who does and she's either willfully or, as a result of the lists -- ALONE.
M.D. Wright
12.24.09
***EDITOR'S NOTE: As I write this, I have to explain that this is written from a MAN'S standpoint. And a BLACK MAN'S standpoint at that.
You know, I'm no Dr. Phil (thank God), but I get more questions asked of me daily as if I were. Questions about relationships. I will say this: I am trying to wade through the same BS that you all are and definitely don't have all the answers. People have become so accustomed to "faking it until they make it" and trying to "be who they want you to be" in order to impress others that they don't know how to be genuine and transparent anymore.
I can say for all of my qualities and warts alike, you cannot knock me for not being fully honest and transparent. That goes for every relationship I have from God on down to the same few people I see on the 1 train or the express bus every day and just shoot the s--- with while standing on line.
But this situation is dire. And for all the blither and back and forth that has gone on for the better part of an ENTIRE GENERATION, no progress has been made. If anything, we've REGRESSED. How is this possible you ask? How is it that no other ethnicity out there has such dichotomies in their relationships like Black people do? I don't have all the answers, but what I HAVE observed over the years has yielded quite a few axioms. Let me share:
1. MISS INDEPENDENT MOVEMENT.
For all the progress that Black women have made in the corporate arena, which was both necessary and welcome -- because the world needs their wisdom and unique contribution that no one else can provide. This is not placation nor fluff, these are true stories. The world takes on a different verve and character when Black women put their imprint on the things they are involved with. Just look at TV shows for a minor example. Look at Bennett College in Greensboro, NC. Look at Deloitte, a company based here in New York that has done an excellent job in promoting women who have families but are also business leaders and executives (including Black women). Things would not be the same without Black women present.
But there are things that SOME (not all, certainly) of these women do that alienate them from not only Black men but nearly all men. Why not date women? In some cases, many are starting to ha (I promise I'm going to keep it serious from here on in, but there has been an upshoot in lesbian coming out parties this decade -- but that is for another note, another day). No man wants to hear about all the degrees you have, where you went to school, how prestigious your job is and all your "celebrity buddies" off cuffs. Those are all perks, but if you are your resume, you are not going to get far with any worthwhile men.
These (from hence forward "these"/"they" refer to the SOME, not to those to which this does not apply) types are the very ones who claim about a supposed dearth of good men -- or any men at all. What a flippant statement to make. One parallel I have noticed is the MISS INDEPENDENT types and those of their ilk are usually the status chasers (the High School QB, Point Guard or the bad boy, who passes over 75 "regular dudes" to get to these guys, who have tons of action in their face themselves -- then get upset when they inevitably suffer a let down, and take it out on every man she meets thereafter). Even once she meets and gives a decent, smart, hard/smart-working fellow, he gets her newfound attitude, has her baggage thrust upon him and worst yet, gets to hear her constantly recite her resume to him (since she wants to now date the guy who is the antithesis of who hurt her repeatedly in the past -- his education, job status and income may not even reach hers).
Let me stop there for a second.
Why is it that women claim to be smarter than men, have Women's Intuition and all this nonsense, but never seem to apply it? If you have it, why don't you give a WORTHWHILE gentleman your all instead of your leftovers and baggage? I'm no slouch, sucker, chump or wuss by any stretch. Anyone who knows me knows this. I am disarmingly charming, Type A/Alpha male, strong-minded/willed and a dominant personality -- all while maintaining a gentlemanly demeanor. Hard for many guys to pull off, but I do it and have for years. If the converse of what women claimed were true, shouldn't I have been beating all these so-called qualified women off with sticks for the better part of the last decade instead of dealing with someone's sloppy seconds and Vengeful Vanika on The Rebound?
But I digress.
I could write for hours, but a guy doe snot want to hear your resume after he's met you. He does not need to hear it every time you have a disagreement over cat food. Why does your f'n job and where you went to school factor in something such as whether or not you can cook and clean? IT DOES NOT. KNOCK IT OFF, like Ryan Leaf says here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMe0Rz1frdE (sorry, I can't avoid putting humor into this, it's just a part of who I am ha).
I've had women roll with me when the proverbian gettin' was good -- when I had the 350Z, making good money, flipping it and spending freely. I've had them run out when tough times came and I had to pay for 4 years of school entirely out of pocket and having to sell everything I owned in order to complete my education. Although I did this for ME and ONLY ME, I thought (looking back on all the sacrifices I made just to go back to school -- some of which I am still dealing with to this day) this sort of dedication and perseverance was what women admired? Hmmmm... still comes down to what you have. I remember this one chick, who was all about status, all about material things and what a huge salary she was going to make from her job just because of her education -- she would see me parking my car at UNCG and we'd usually pull up at the same time. She flirted with me every day she saw me. Gave me lifts from the parking lot to my class in HER car (you know I'm no pimp, but I don't turn down offers of service ha), but when I had to sell that car two years later and depleted my savings paying for school, she didn't even know me anymore (and saw me just as frequently).
I'm certainly not pinning all of this on Black women. Not at all. From a materialistic standpoint, that's a universal problem. The thing is, I have YET to have one willing to build with me from where I CURRENTLY am. Oh, I get kind words and this, that and the third, but that's usually from older women or someone spewing out clichés they've heard around church. Never mind the fact that I am working toward some major endeavors that will come to fruition very soon, without the evidence of the success in place, I get nary a notice from MISS INDEPENDENT. But once the success pops off, who will be in my face? Some of self same ones who ignored me these past 4 years.
Why do I interject these two personal scenarios in the previous two paragraphs? Because I know a lot of Black men who are nodding their heads (press "like" RIGHT NOW if you nodded your head while reading that line) as they read this knowing they've been there themselves. The problem is, Black women don't even realize they're doing this many times. Some are malicious, but the majority aren't aware.
2. MISS INDEPENDENT'S PROBLEM.
She's so consumed with herself to realize the deterioration of the relationships with Black men (on all levels, not just dating/marriage) around her. Everything is about her job, her money, her house, her car, her education and reminding you of it all the time. What she fails to realize is that ESPECIALLY in 2009, (and the past 10 years in general) more than any other time, Black women are yielding interviews and landing jobs at a ratio that mirrors the Atlanta Falcons' chance of winning the Super Bowl this year. OK, that may be long odds, but my point is in essence, for every job that comes out and for every 1 job that a Black man lands, 15 Black women will land a job with equal or superior pay than he does; sometimes (especially since 2008) with less education. She is getting jobs that Black men were almost certain to get coming out of college between 1975-2005. Instead of realizing and being mindful of that fact, she goes and puts down Black men who are doing everything they can to keep themselves afloat with very little support, I may add -- when she got the job in SPITE of him, not because he's not "manning up" or "not trying".
As one of my friends, Lauren Carter says, "keep listening to Oprah, and you'll end up just like her (and not the richest Black woman in the US part, but an emotional wreck), keep listening to Tyra and you'll be alone". Why not just cut out the bull and heartache and just date women? That's where we are at this point, right?
All these factors cause strain on relationships that are already propped up with toothpicks as it is. A Black man has few places of refuge in this world. The home was one of the few left outside of the basketball court, football field, the studio booth, the pool hall or the bar (because God KNOWS church isn't the place right now).
I've heard every simpleton's conspiracy theory as to why Black men have begun dating and marrying women who aren't Black. Some of it is mere preference. And YES, one can have a preference that doesn't mirror him nor his mother (DEAR GOD CAN THAT GUILT TRIP OF A LINE BE RETIRED ALREADY???) and not be totally influenced by the media. It CAN be as simple as that. And yes, equally small numbers on the other end of the spectrum ARE self-loathing, image-consumed lackwit buffoons who only care about skin color.
BUT THE VAST MAJORITY COULD NOT CARE LESS.
All this talk about "self-hate", "he must hate his mother, since he doesn't exclusively date Black women", or (my personal favorite) "He's intimidated by my education/success/income" WUAAAAHWAUAHWAUWAWHWAHAWAAAAWAAAAAAAAAAA -- all that nonsense sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher to me. KNOCK IT OFF. To a secure man, whether you have a dollar or 23 million of them matters not. If you don't have the character to sustain you, then who cares? Mind you, insecure men are usually male golddiggers and don't care about character, just as long as you have that guap. Truth is, I can speak for many Black men when I say that "other" women are much more willing to get to know us, are interested and even intrigued to find out what makes us tick (and not talking sexual, curious things), and are generally more accepting of us where we ARE. Now, more than ever, Black women (THE ONES TO WHICH THIS APPLIES -- NOT ALL) won't give an average Black man a fair shot, unless she can see obvious signs that he's going to be rich and/or famous. It's not just trailer trash White women, or no-one-else-wants-them-so-I-guess-so women from India or southeast Asia, or those mixed with other races who don't really fit into one category, or Latinas or whoever -- that are generally more accepting, but truly, today , more than ever, I can say I have female friends from almost every country in the Western Hemisphere and many from across the Atlantic as well. I'm 30 years old and have been many places and met different women. Even in casual settings, with no strings attached, the greeting, incidental conversation is different. Who am I more likely to get a smile and courteous conversation from -- even if it is just to shoot the s---? Whereas, who am I most likely to get the ice grill, cold stares, look-aways like Magic Johnson http://www.livetoknow.com/articles/Magic_Johnson.jpg or even straight up snarls and gnashing of teeth from? Who, then, is most likely to get more attention from me?
I don't care what other guys do. Use your Women's Intuition, some God-given DISCERNMENT and realize who you have in front of you and save the attitude for those who deserve it. I speak for many Black men when I say this. We're sick of it. THE END.
Another side note:
Why do women value sensitivity so much, but are quick to label a guy who exhibits he's not a Neanderthal Man, while certainly NOT gay, but they love hanging around gay dudes? Any non-gay man should cringe and become immediately uncomfortable around that spirit. I will not entertain arguments to the contrary. If you are not gay, you are not comfortable being around gay men for more than a few moments. If you are, you better do some soul searching.
I bring this up, because it will lead me to my third and final point.
3. CHECKLISTS.
All women have laundry lists for what they want in a man. Some keep it short and sweet. Some have quite a few things on the list, but they are foundational things and not superfluous, frivolous, vain, spurious "demands" like MISS INDEPENDENT and much of this current generation has.
Should you not have values and demand chivalry, respect and other foundational things? OF COURSE NOT. If you present a man with THOSE things up front and not your resume, he's bound to respect you more. If he doesn't -- good, you have the freedom to cut your losses and move on without going down the valley with him like so many young knucklehead females incessantly do.
But what happens nowadays when you meet a lot of these 20-30 somethings nowadays? "I want this". "I want that". Almost none of them even have a concept of cooking nor cleaning. These are not "women's JOBS", but rather ways of expressing your love and care for your man. Even if you're under your parents' roof and you serve your father or even brother that way, it speaks volumes about your character, not because it is a woman's JOB, nor something to be deemed as insulting or demeaning.
I would go on a tangent about what "submission" means. But Submission and Subservience are NOT synonymous. Why, then, do MISS INDEPENDENT types cringe at this? I'll let YOU answer that, while you formulate your response with the following axiom in mind: THE MAN IN THIS CASE HAS THE PURE, GODLY FORM OF SUBMISSION IN MIND -- not the negative one that many are accustomed to.
DISCUSS.
While you ruminate upon that corollary, consider this as well: women -- Black women more so (as it can be substantiated and proven) are quick to have "deal breakers" and "must haves" over silly things. Dig in their closets enough and you'll wonder how they could ever be so finite about what a man can or cannot be to her when she has just as many slip-ups in her past. Quick to write off a man because he logged a misdemeanor when he was young and at folly. What about you and sleeping with half the football players and basketball team when you were in high school -- YOUNG AND AT FOLLY? What if he wrote you off after finding that out? Or to have the fact that you had a child out of wedlock during that same period of your life?
I hear women constantly saying there are no good men left. Some are resorting to dating gay men (W. T. F.) I'm not getting started on that, but once again, the very women who scream the loudest about this usually have the longest laundry lists of "must haves" and "dealbreakers" and usually are also the ones passing over good men left and right to pull a Brian Dawkins and leap over to snatch the cash cow that is running by them in the process.
I'm gonna end this one bluntly and I don't care if you get upset with me and defriend me for it -- as a matter of fact, if you don't like it, TURN OFF YOUR STATION AND PLEASE DELETE ME --
Stop blaming everything that is going wrong in your relationships on Black men. Remember, sometimes it's YOU. But if you never take a look in the mirror and realize how detestable you have become, you'll never realize it.
But those of you who have the most things on your "list" and have all these Death Penalty Deal Breakers are almost NEVER reaching the level YOURSELVES that you expect from a man. Successful women who have made it and are really truly doing something substantive don't have the time to construct all these cockamamie lists that have little to do with anything lasting long-term. Show me one who does and she's either willfully or, as a result of the lists -- ALONE.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
