My Open Letter To My Friends

My Open Letter To My Friends
M.D. Wright
7.10.10

I feel compelled to write to my true friends for many reasons. Some of it, to clear up any assumptions that may be out there because of things that are said (and unsaid) or my lack of interaction outside of Facebook or my absence from all the events, parties and what have you that I have been invited to for the past few months. I feel disgusted because of my entire situation and shuttling back and forth between Harlem and Staten Island almost daily (and having to crash on SI when I'm not Uptown) just makes things even more unnerving.

There are some of you who are great at letting me know when things are going on, inviting me, wanting me to be in your presence and I greatly appreciate it. I am not aloof. Those of you who hang around me here in New York or those in other states who have known me for years know I am a sociable person and when I'm around good people, I love to have a good time and people feel good having laughs with my robust sense of humor and overall warm presence. I try to do what I can, but I am simply in an impossible situation and coupled with all the stresses that I have on my plate at the moment, making it to even 1 in every 10 things I am invited to is a daunting task.

When I graduated from UNCG, my plan was to go back Uptown. I would have been closer to any job prospects, landed a job sooner, had more available housing options and been able to do my real estate gig on the side much more easily. I had spent three of the four years at UNCG applying for jobs all over North Carolina, DMV and back here in New York and the tri-state (even applied for a few dozen in Jersey, Westchester and even Connecticut), along with Florida and Puerto Rico. I've expressed willingness to travel abroad to work if the opportunity presented itself and such an arrangement necessitated that sort of travel. I came up with NOTHING after submitting over 15,000 applications online between March 2006 and July 2010. I've hustled just as hustlers do, and had a few gigs here and there, but I haven't had a permanent, full-time, salaried job since August 2005. I have no idea how someone who busts their ass trying to find such gainful employment can come up short for FIVE STRAIGHT YEARS. It is beyond me. I don't care WHAT the economy looks like.

Anyway, that led me to reach out to my aunt who I used to live with in Newark many years ago. Back then, when I wasn't in Brooklyn in school or in Harlem -- either at her office, with friends or huggin' the block, I was out in Jersey and thankfully, she's always looked out for me. Otherwise, I would've been dead ass homeless. I have relatives in every borough, but at age 30 (last year), I shudder at the thought of not having my own place when I was accustomed to that for the past few years. Although the situation is less than ideal (even if it were Uptown and not Staten Island), I shant complain. She's been very gracious and welcoming and has made things a bit less stressful for me when I have otherwise been stressed out to the max for the past 14 months.

I managed to land a summer camp counselor job through a now-former friend last year and that was a train wreck from the get-go. I won't get into that again, as I wrote about it in-depth when it ended horribly last August, but that precluded me from interviewing for anything in Manhattan all summer. It eventually set me up for an awful summer -- couldn't hang with my friends for more than one weekend in a month -- and an even worse fall and winter; as I was broke, the commute is even more unnerving when it is cold and there were no job prospects nor any resources available to start a business (you know people who have never had to struggle to survive are quick to tell you to "create your own opportunities" when you've bankrupted yourself just to pay for college OUT OF POCKET for four years and spent three other years and tens of thousands of dollars on two other businesses that I never truly could dedicate any time to due to my ministry and academic requirements). To make matters worse, SOMEHOW, being an ideal candidate for the public assistance programs that New York City and New York State offer, I had been ineligible to receive anything (even unemployment before embarking on a 9 month BITTER FIGHT for my benefits and still only received 1/4 of the $10,000 that was due to me) that would enable me to 1) get my own place, 2) subsist and 3) be in position to be gainfully employed again. Thoughts of starting another business had to be put on the back burner, because I had to worry about having clothes on my back, a roof over my head and food to eat ALONG WITH the massive costs of transporting myself with the ever-maddening MTA cutting services left and right but always threatening fare-hikes at the same time.

I went on 63 interviews from September 2009 until March 31, 2010. I felt like I wasted a colossal amount of time doing so. I know for a fact almost all of them only brought me in so that they could fulfill a "quota" of "interviewing" a certain number of "minority" candidates so that they wouldn't be cited for discrimination (hey folks, bullshit "interviews" and hiring unqualified buddies of yours or sticking to those who are "unthreatening" -- read: Whites, Asians, females and uneducated Black yes-men does not constitute "equal opportunity employer" status).

I finally hit with Rapid Realty, and while it would otherwise be good -- especially if I had stacks; which you need for ANY commission job (reminder: I left Aetna in August 2005 with 12 stacks -- I always had money before wasting it all on a useless Bachelor's Degree that I almost regret going back to school to get -- what has it done for me???) it's not right now. I have to commute two hours to get to ANY of our 15 offices and the majority of my clients have been less than ideal with their lack of funds, credit scores, understanding of the market and willingness to come off exorbitant requests for little to no money . It's highly frustrating, because I have now spent three months and been more of a tour guide than a realtor. And some of these people are native New Yorkers who have been through the process before.

Side note: please explain to me why someone expects to spend less than $1,500 but want to live on the Upper West Side? Or only want to spend $800 but want not to be in or NEAR the 'hood in Brooklyn? Are we THAT out of touch with reality, folks?

It has depleted my funds and not having much to begin with -- especially after being short-changed by the Dept. of Labor for my unemployment -- that isn't sitting well with me right now. I'm back in that vicious cycle where I really don't care anymore and it's dangerous for me and for those who get in my way. Consider this a warning.

I am not a drunkard, but I would have liked to have gone to Nevada's every (or at least most) Thursday, or go to shows, house parties, Hip Hop festivals, events that I get invited to (Tisha Blu Moon, this is to you ha) and what have you, but again, if I'm not in Harlem, I can't fathom doing it. If I have drinks, the 2 hour commute isn't palatable to me. Most people have a 20-30 minute subway/bus/cab ride home after such an evening. I have a 20 minute walk, a subway ride (or two, in some cases), the ferry or the express bus and then ANOTHER bus (or a 20 minute walk on the tail end of it) to consider. Raise your hand if you feel like doing that after you've partied, had drinks, had some kush/haze, etc. I DIDN'T THINK SO.

I just want you all to know I am not being standoffish and "stuck up". I hate weekends. Most of you live for them, but they are the most uneventful times of the week for me. The MTA is at its worst on the weekends and the express buses run both more infrequently and don't go anywhere NEAR my house on weekends. I am going to put the MTA on blast in another blog coming up later tonight.

However, I am holding out hope that something will break soon. I have a promising interview on Monday in Herald Square and I'm still lining up appointments for real estate (but only by appointment-only and pretty much taking referrals from my friends and friends of friends; chasing down half-assed leads has me on icy terms with my company because they're expecting me to turn water into wine when I'm dealing with people with Section 8 budgets looking for a fucking Upper East Side penthouse with their ridiculous demands).

Nevertheless, it is what it is.

All I can say is, despite it all, I play hard every day trying to do my best to remedy the situation with ZERO help from anyone.

God Bless and Good Night.