Like It or Not, I'm Saying It...: 01/01/2010

My Top 10 Color Analysts Of All-Time
M.D. Wright
1.29.10

***EDITOR'S NOTE: As part of the continuing series of listing "Favorites" and sticking with the sports theme, I hereby submit my Personal Top 10 for Color Analysts in all sports.

This is a tough list to compose. I've been watching sports since late 1984 and been listening to the announcers pretty much the entire time. My list is personal and may reflect certain biases, but again, this is a dialogue-starter, not a column written in absolutes. It's all in fun and each one of these analysts have brought something different to the table that I have admired over the years.

Here's the list:

1. BILL RAFTERY.
Those of us who live in (ORIGINAL -- not this bloated BS that has Marquette, DePaul and Cincinnati involved somehow) Big East country know him well, as he was the coach at Seton Hall from 1970-1981. He has been the New Jersey Nets color analyst since then (until a couple of years ago) and predominantly does college basketball for ESPN during the regular year (mostly Big East Conference games, aka the best conference in the nation) and for CBS Sports during March Madness, which is when Raftery gets even better, if it were possible.

For me, it all started this night in January 1988 at Fitzgerald Field House. My dad and I were watching this game and I went absolute nuts. Other than Darryl Dawkins on a couple of occasions -- I hadn't seen anyone do what Jerome Lane did here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTn_9k-GBzQ

"SEND IT IN, JEROME!!!"

And I would be remiss if I didn't mention some of Raft's go-to phrases during games:
To begin all college games after the tip-off:
"And Verne Lundquist... the Huskies go... MANTOMAN!!!"

To begin all Syracuse games where the Orange's opponents win the tip:
"And Sean McDonough, Jay Bilas... Syracuse goes... with a little 2-3 zone... BUT WITH MANTOMAN PRINCIPLES!!!"

Whenever a big man throws down a great dunk:
"SEND IT IN _____________ !!!"

For a player who shows tremendous moxie and cool under pressure:
"A LITTLE... ONIONS!!!" ("A DOUBLE ORDER!!!" WHEN IT IS EXTRA CLUTCH)

When a player with a sweet shooting stroke gets going from deep:
"Get the puppies set... release... A LITTLE NYLONNNNN!!!"

(A Raftery classic) This refers to when players -- especially the old Big East players who used the window with adept dexterity on layups:
"A LITTLE KISS!" or "A SWEET SMOOCH OFF THE GLASS" (referring to the sound a fresh basketball makes with "English" spun with it as it hits a clean glass backboard).

ONLY RAFTERY.

There are tons more phrases that he uses, including the explanation of the origination of the term "ONIONS!" as explained by Ian Eagle, but I'll leave that to you to research ha.

Listening to Raftery call a game makes it 100 times more entertaining. Anyone who says otherwise should be subjected to listening to the worst possible DeathCore music on decibel level 200 until they lose their hearing.

2. JOHN MADDEN.

I learned most of what I know about offensive line play and X's and O's in football from John Madden. I listened to Madden call games from the time I began watching NFL football until he retired after the 2008 season. He was in his prime and at the top of the profession throughout the 80s and 90s. He was an excellent coach with still one of the greatest winning percentages of all time (something that 80% of Madden game players couldn't tell you).

He introduced to me and the rest of the world -- TURDUCKEN (which is actually quite tasty if you have the time to prepare it or have had the opportunity to feast on it elsewhere). His fond usage of onomatopoeia rekindled images of the Batman series. And while he may have inverted sentences, talked in circles, catered to the average Joe who popped open a few cold ones during a game with his dumbed-down style at times, Madden knows his football.

http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-preseason/09000d5d8120681c

And they're right, these clown kids nowadays don't even know Madden coached, and some don't even remember him when he called games in the 80s and early 90s.

Oh and yes, as Madden says in that video, he conceived the Madden Franchise game in 1989 (actually after the '85 Bears won the Super Bowl the original game was developed: as I had it on our old Commodore 64 -- along with Dr. J vs. Larry Bird ha) as a TEACHING TOOL and for those of us who LOVE the X's and O's of football and not like these numbskulls who don't know jack about football, but think they are authorities to speak about football because they're good at the video game *SIGH*.

That's the original game from '87. Madden is the man. Plain and simple.

3. HUBIE BROWN.
I love listening to Hubie. Makes me feel like I'm at 5 Star or ABCD and getting one on one instruction listening to him call games. Back in the late 80s and early 90s, my dad and I used to die when Hubie's voice would crack while on the call, but he knew his stuff. He's forgotten more basketball than some of these guys playing will ever know. I still enjoy listening to him to this day on ESPN broadcasts.

A Hubie Brown staple is speaking in second person, as if he is coaching a player from the broadcast booth -- using street vernacular (a nod to all the kids he's coached in the New York and New Jersey area in his camps over the years).

Example:
"iight, you know that if you are Dallas, you want to make sure that Kobe Bryant does not get the ball here, okay? You also know that your best player, Dirk "No-witski" (always mispronounces it) has 5 fouls, iight? What you want to do is DENYYYYYYY Bryant the ball okay and you have a guy who is "atha-letic" like Josh Howard who can do this for you iight?"

It makes you feel like you're in the huddle and he's drawing on the clipboard ha. And the "Hubie Chortle" as my cousin Tonia calls it, never ceased to crack me up when he would laugh at something that seemingly wasn't funny, but somehow he found it so.

4. PHIL SIMMS.
Yes, I am a Giants fan. And yes, I love Phil Simms no homo, but his transition to the broadcast boot does wonders for the profession. With guys like John Madden retiring and the only other guys coming along are Madden copycats and castoff ex-coaches who are moonlighting until they get another coaching gig, Simms does justice to the booth. He doesn't talk down to viewers, offers SUPERB insight into games and doesn't mind calling guys out. I love it. If you manage to be someplace where you can hear Jim Nantz and Phil Simms on the call during Super Bowl XLIV next Sunday, tune in -- Simms is better now than he ever has been in the booth.

Oh, and I wouldn't let this go without pointing out something my sister brought to my attention a few years back; the Franklin Lakes, NJ resident's penchant for reverting to his backwoods accent at times during games -- pronouncing "eem" as if to say "him". Every time I hear it, I die, because I really hadn't noticed it in the 8 or 9 years that Simms had been in the booth at that point, but in the 6 or 7 years since, I hear it 10-15 times a game ha.

Example: "Well Mark Sanchez saw 'eem... but he couldn't get the ball to 'eem! Thankfully, that one fell to the ground, that's what I used to call a 'getback pass'" (his explanation being that it was one of those passes that he threw that immediately after passing it, he hoped it would land incomplete, so his team could "getback" the proverbial possession.

5. DOUG COLLINS.
Doug knows the game. What always flummoxed me was why it didn't translate to wins as a coach. He was moderately successful in that role, but he is an exceptional color analyst. He actually describes players' moves in great detail, he thinks like a coach, so he makes calls that coaches will make even before they make them and he was one of the first analysts to regularly point out the opportunity for a team to go "two for one if they want it" (meaning getting two shots off in the last 30-40 seconds of a quarter, maximizing possessions and getting easy points that may matter later in the game.

He also became adept at pointing out "point swings" (usually following a poor shot selection by one team, or a "gimme" missed opportunity that leads to points for the other team -- and how that can deflate and demoralize a team. These are the things color analysts are supposed to do. Not banter about nothingness (unless it's funny like Bill Walton -- more on that in a second).

6. JOHN "RED" KERR.
First off, RIP Red Kerr. His enthusiasm for his Chicago Bulls was infectious. Even if you weren't a Jordan/Bulls fan, you couldn't help but to be sucked in (pause) by WGN's telecasts featuring Jim Durham (and later, Wayne Larrivee) and Red Kerr -- unless you were a Pistons or Pacers fan. His primal screams whenever Michael Jordan did something spectacular, (which was almost nightly) are the stuff of legend and laughter at the same time.

You can hear Kerr screaming in the background as Michael Jordan made one of the biggest shots of his then-young career back in 1989. My dad and I were watching this one also:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-5G3OBKR3Y

7. WALT "CLYDE" FRAZIER.
CLYDE. When someone gives you a nickname like that, because you're SMOOTH, you know you better live up to it in everything else you do. Thankfully, he does it in the booth during Knicks' MSG telecasts. Whether the Knicks are "swishin' and dishin'" or "exhibiting great acumen at both ends" or " moving the ball with alacrity!" it is a joy to listen to Clyde do games. First, with Marv Albert for years and now with Mike Breen.

Viewers/listeners can learn a few words if they listen to Clyde long enough. If the near-20 years that I've watched him on MSG, I've learned a few myself.

8. TROY AIKMAN.
I didn't care for Aikman much as a Dallas Cowboy (and he still is one, openly rooting for them with his partner JOE BUCK on FOX nowadays), but he is an excellent color guy. He points out the non-obvious things, jokes when appropriate and is great in situational calls. I was worried about NFC coverage when Madden and Summerall left, and while everyone KNOWS I do not like Notorious Yankee and Giants Hater Joe Buck, Troy Aikman is the best of the NFC color analysts.

Oh, yeah -- my old homie Andre Smoot used to ask me at work "Mike, what day comes after Wednesday and before Friday?" I'd answer "Thursday???" with a pissed off look on my face... he would then go "Nah, 'THURZ-DEE' -- like Troy Aikman says it". I DIED. I hadn't really noticed it, but just like my sister did with Simms, once it was pointed out, I heard Aikman do that every week. WHAT ON EARTH IS MON-DEE, TUES-DEE, WINS-DEE, THURS-DEE, FRI-DEE, SAER-DEE, SUN-DEE HA?

9. BILL WALTON & STEVE "SNAPPER" JONES

These guys, mostly paired with Marv Albert -- but also with Tom Hammond -- were hilarious together. Bill Walton, for all of his hippie lingo and antics, KNOWS his basketball. Steve Jones was a very good player for years in the ABA and NBA. I loved it when Walton would say something and Jones didn't agree -- he'd do this ridiculously long laugh that would last until Marv interrupted them or a big play was taking place on the court. Absolute great television. Steve was the straight man, pointing out situations and mostly serious.

Walton would go off on tangents, waxing nostalgic about his days with the Celtics or at UCLA, you know, since he is a "UCLA LEGENDDDDD-UH" (as he says about WHOEVER went to UCLA) and all. For me, being an oddball of sorts myself, I loved it. I wish ESPN would put him back on games when he gets healthy. I loved how Walton had NO PROBLEM getting on players and calling guys out who loafed around. Some of my favorite Waltonisms include:

Walton: (to Play-By-Play lead Tom Hammond) "Tom, what's Mark Jackson DOINGGGGG-UH?" (as Jackson made an "X" sign with his arms, taunting Knicks' forward Larry Johnson, who was making "LJ" signs with his arms throughout the 1999 NBA Playoffs)

Hammond: (nervously) "Uhhhh I think it's an X!!!"

Walton: (sighing) "Ugh, why not just go out and PLAY BALLLLLL-UH? Quit SALUTING yourself with these ridiculous gestures, COME ON MARK, YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT".

Me: FALLING OVER.

Walton: (usually while Shaquille O'Neal was slamming home a dunk) "THROW IT DOWN, BIG MAN, THROW IT DOWNNNNNNNN-UH!!!"

Walton: "WHAT. IS. A FOUL???"

Walton: "WHEN IS BRIAN CARDINAL GOING TO BE AN ALL-STAR?"

Walton is known for his extensive use of hyperbole. While, personally it amuses me and causes me to die of laughter, some people (somehow) find it annoying. Here are some examples of that hyperbole:

"That was the worst execution of the fast break in the history of the Trail Blazer franchise"

-- Bill Walton, after the Blazers failed to convert a 3 on 1 fast break. 4.13.2003

"Stroke it, big man!"

--Bill Walton, referring to Arvydas Sabonis as he nails a jumper. 4.13.2003

"What balance What on court-awareness!"

--Bill Walton, as Shaq tiptoes the baseline and saves the possession. 4.20.2003

"Maurice Cheeks has seen enough the inability to complete the simplest of plays."

--Bill Walton after Portland calls yet another timeout against Dallas. 4.25.2003

"You might wanna guard him..."

--Bill Walton, as Dirk Nowitzki nails another three point jumper. 4.25.2003

"Flip Saunders throws up his hands in exasperated dismay!"

--Bill Walton, after a phantom foul call against Wally Szczerbiak. 4.27.2003

"How long do these hockey games last?"

-- Bill Walton, because the basketball game is getting pre-empted by a hockey game going into a third overtime. 5.2.2003

"All Don Nelson can do is shake his head and ask what has happened to our once beautiful team?" --Bill Walton, as Portland dismantles Dallas. 5.2.2003

"What a palace this is."

-- Bill Walton, referring to the Rose Garden. 5.2.2003

"This Portland team is nothing more than a band of pranksters."

-- Bill Walton, as the Blazers are defeated in Game 7 of their playoff series. 5.4.2003

"Show some respect to this living legend, this hall of famer...Arvydas Sabonis."

--Bill Walton, as Sabonis makes a nice play. 5.4.2003

"Sabonis is the epitome of competitive greatness."

-- Bill Walton, on Arvydas Sabonis. 5.4.2003

"You're soft."

-- Bill Walton, to Tom Tolbert 5.4.2003

"A huge Chinese population here in... Houston."

-- Bill Walton, making a comment on Yao Ming 1.21.2004

"He had everything, he had... a doll."

-- Bill Walton, on Penny Hardaways fall from prominence 1.21.2004

"He even flew in his hairdresser, Celeste, so not only does Jermaine ONeal look pretty, hes looking to play pretty tonight."

-- Bill Walton, after Jermaine ONeal hits a jumper 1.23.2004

"Goodness gracious sakes alive."

-- Bill Walton, after an apparent foul goes uncalled. 1.30.2004

"You tower over Allen Iverson yourself, you could post him up."

-- Bill Walton, to Brent Musberger. 2.1.2004

"He's been working out in the off-season, on that incredible computer generated body he has."

-- Bill Walton, on Kevin Garnett. 2.1.2004

"Jack up a three Spree!"

-- Bill Walton, as Latrell Sprewell passes the ball off in the midst of a TWolves run. 2.1.2004

"Look at Horace's shoes, arent they a thing of beauty?"

-- Bill Walton, on Horace Grants multi-colored sneakers. 2.4.2004

"Shaq with the monster throwdown, the basket just reverberating."

-- Bill Walton, after a big Shaq dunk. 2.4.2004

"Never let your legends go."

-- Bill Walton, on Shaquille ONeal, whose Lakers beat the Magic earlier in the day. 2.8.2004

"The only thing he is worth is another teams mistake. This guy has ruined every situation he has been in. This is a classic underachiever."

-- Bill Walton, on Rasheed Wallace. 2.8.2004

"You look at Vladimir Radmanovic, this guy is cut from stone. As if Michelangelo was reading and a lightening bolt flashed before him."

-- Bill Walton, 2.8.2004

"Yeah now that's basketball there, jack up a three in transition!"

-- Bill Walton, as the Blazers and Sonics exchange missed three point shot attempts. 2.8.2004

"It does'nt get any better than that!"

-- Bill Walton, after a confused Trail Blazers team throws up a wild shot to end the first half. 2.8.2004

"Not a critic, just a reporter of facts"

-- Bill Walton, after Brent Musberger teased him about his criticism of Rasheed Wallace. 2.8.2004

"Its a critical game, the battle for 10th place!"

-- Bill Walton, on the Portland-Seattle game. 2.8.2004

"Jeff Van Gundy cannot believe this!"

-- Bill Walton, then a camera immediately catches a shot of a relaxed Van Gundy. 2.11.2004

"You talk about Shaq as a ballerina, what a pirouette from Yao!"

-- Bill Walton, as Ming twists in the lane. 2.11.2004

10. FRANK GIFFORD.
One of the best to ever do it, especially in the bright lights and national audience during Monday Night Football for over 25 years. His insight and tell-it-like-it is approach will always be appreciated around these parts. Below is a photograph from one of the first MNF booths (Gifford is to the right of Howard Cosell).

HONORABLE MENTION:
-- MERLIN OLSEN
-- DAN DIERDORF
-- MIKE "THE CZAR OF THE TELESTRATOR" FRATELLO
-- MATT GOUKAS
-- DICK VITALE
-- GARY DANIELSON
-- BOB GRIESE
-- PAUL MAGUIRE

UP AND COMING STARS:
-- CLARK KELLOGG
-- DORIS BURKE
-- MARK JACKSON & "JVG" JEFF VAN GUNDY

LET'S SEE YOUR LISTS -- DISCUSS>>>

Friday, January 29, 2010

Where Are They Now? January 2010 Edition

My Top 10 Color Analysts Of All-Time

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