MY STORY: In Response To The Jill Scott Article In Essence (April 0'10)
M.D. Wright
3.30.10
***EDITOR'S NOTE: I recently read a few articles in both Ebony and Essence magazines that were on newsstands for the April subscribers and both contained topics in the vein of "Is A Good Black Woman Hard To Find" and "What Black Women REALLY Think About Black Men And Interracial Dating" and I have felt the need to finally respond.
I always have to preface my writing, because it seems like some disgruntled reader will pick ONE thing out that I say, misconstrue it, twist it like a Washington lobbyist and make it seem like something -- ANYTHING -- other than what I have actually said. And since I don't mince words, speak in morse code nor imply something that isn't already implicitly stated, I chuckle whenever this occurs (it happens without fail whenever I touch on hot button topics such as these). But I never single out a group, nor do I belittle (people who are TRULY supremely confident spend their time trying to understand and UPLIFT, not tear down others) anyone. It is never my intent to marginalize anyone, nor propagate stereotypes and oppress those who are continually oppressed. If you still feel that way after reading my column, then God bless you. No angry ranting here, just truth spoken -- both from my first-hand experience and from the recollection of other Black men (as well as some Black women who aren't afraid to tell it like it is and not get offended by every slight word that makes their soul twitch).
I grabbed the Ebony issue off my aunt's coffee table upon arriving back from the weekend in Jersey and was eager to see what Sade had been up to the past 10 years. She is one of my favorite artists of all time, grew up on her sultry, soothing tunes in the 80s and 90s and the article on her, and the subsequent interview were both good reads. I love Sade ha.
But after that, there was an article shortly following it that mentioned something to the effect that eligible Black women and eligible Black men are unable to somehow find one another. I do agree with this. Both argue that there isn't exactly a plethora of the other to go around -- especially Black women -- and I do agree with them. I know how dudes can be. I mince no words calling them out any less than I do with anyone else. The statistics are overblown, however. There are a ton of unreformed ex-felons (notice how I worded this, because not everyone is a recalcitrant thug and bound for recidivist status), uneducated, GAY/JOSE REYES TYPES (that is, switch-hitters -- bisexual -- not calling CHEO a bisexual, so please, Mets fans don't write me, nor tell him I called him a fag ha -- but for those who don't have sports-on-the-brain as I do, and use sports analogies for EVERYTHING in life), unmotivated, unemployed and don't want to be employed men out there. And then there are the married men who are unavailable obviously, as well as the married men who mess around behind their wives' backs. Black women see ALL this and it is very easy to say "hell, what's the use? I don't have much to choose from" and then develop the idea that there are no "good men" left out here.
First of all, let's dissect some verbiage here. As a sociologist, value terms such as "good" have assessed value -- that is, they only have the value that we ascribe to them. I never make values judgments such as this, so just like beauty, the measure of someone's "goodness" is in the eyes of the beholder. But universally speaking, the idea of a "good man" or "good woman" is for the most part understood.
I hate how Ebony and Essence rarely go in-depth on these VERY DEEP SEEDED issues that are plaguing the Black community to death. And being not of that Tribal/Us-Against-The-World/I Owe Everything To Black People mindset, you have to forgive me if I refuse to look at everything as Black vs. White and Us vs. "Them". That's not how I was raised, and it's not my reality. And I've split my life between North Carolina and New York and had the experience of two VERY disparate mindsets and realities, so I believe I am more than adequately qualified to speak upon this with confidence.
The one concept that I do agree with in the article was that a constant barrage of bad experiences can plague someone for years -- if not for life, if they're not careful. I refuse to be a Negative Nate and allow my past experiences carry over and give the next woman the brunt because of what someone did to me previously. This is not a luxury that has been afforded to me in the past, however. And I don't care how many women want to suddenly come out of the woodwork and dispute this, and claim "Well, that's not how I am, Mike", because 13 years (not even getting into high school, which, for those who knew me then -- was everything SHORT of hell itself) don't lie.
Even once I graduated high school and was out in Brooklyn back in the 90s, things were remarkably different. I had Erythrodermic Psoriasis throughout high school; from the second month of 9th grade, throughout 12th grade and clear until April of 2000 when it miraculously cleared up as quickly as it had come upon me. This was attributable to years of prayer, fasting, laying on of hands by everyone from pastors, elders, deacons down to laypeople and my minister buddies and mother (ordained) and father who prayed day and night the entire time. The doctors never clearly diagnosed it, and I nearly died of sepsis -- after spending well over $25,000 in doctor and hospital visits to only end up diagnosing MYSELF. Those who knew me then -- just look up pictures of the affliction on google and remember what I looked like from 1993-2000. Classic case of the disease.
Anyway, digression complete, I make that point because it goes a LONG way into my current belief and why I have such apathy and lack of sympathy for those crying foul in 2010.
I got picked upon not only because of my skin condition, but because I was considered "nerdy", "geeky", "dorky", not "cool enough", not "thug enough", all of these things.
The funny part is, while I am highly intelligent (my parents sang and read to me while I was still in my mother's womb, and those who knew me from toddler status know I have ALWAYS had a book or newspaper in hand -- even dating back to the point where I began reading at age 3. I have pictures to prove it. I have always been one to learn with alacrity. I began walking at just short of 7 months, I began reading and speaking in complete sentences before most children do and I wrote extensively when most kids cared little about it. It is a passion of mine, which, as you can clearly see, I carry to this day. I have a immerse love for all things sports, playing them, watching them, reading everything I can about them, knowing my history that pre-dates some of the actual sports leagues as we know them, facts, figures, people of importance, you name it. The people who went to middle school with me (Antonio Townsend being my partner in crime in doing this) remember I used to keep binders -- several of them -- FULL of sports statistics, information and bettor's guides. I was 11, 12 years old. This was pre-internet, so there was tons of research involved, naturally.
I studied the dictionary (so when I dispense my girthy vocabulary, people laugh and are amused -- even use the words now, but back then, I was shunned -- ESPECIALLY by Black girls -- for being "too smart").
As Vado, Clips and Cam would say -- HUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?!?!?!
I studied my Rand McNally Road Atlases. If you've traveled with me, you KNOW you are NEVER lost. Ask my parents. Ask my sister. Ask my lady friend. Ask my best friends. They ask me to this day how to get from A to B -- even if I am not with them, because I took such an interest in geography and travel.
I watched the Weather Channel religiously in its infancy in the mid 1980s. My aunts Anita and Georgia were flummoxed as to why a 7 year old kid cared so much about meteorology, but who can now read weather maps and more accurately predict the weather than my man Chris on local news here in New York ha? It has all come in handy.
My lady friend is amazed that these were put-offs throughout my teen years and throughout most of my 20s. But they were. Don't ask me why. I'm still trying to figure it out myself. But that's all the more reason why I refuse to hear the BS now from women in their late 20s and 30s complaining about there not being any educated, family-oriented, "good men" available. I've been here for 31 years. And I've always be highly visible. And I'm not the only one. I know DOZENS myself personally. It's all a cop-out. People in general want to mitigate the risk of being hurt by all means necessary. Men are scared of rejection more than ever. Women, while equally fearing rejection, fear being left wide open to being blind-sided by some svengali or some clown who reminds them of the 10 other guys who have messed over her mind, body and spirit in the past. Unchecked, this just snowballs into some nightmare in Yellowstone National after some banshee lets out a primal scream in mid-December. That's exactly how it feels to be that guy who meets a 27 year old woman with a long strand of broken relationships in her trail -- and have her levy ALL of those bad experiences upon you -- you, who should be getting the clean slate, that is.
I can be honest and say I have always given every woman I have met a clean slate. I do not (not even subconsciously, because I CONSCIOUSLY make an effort not to, if you follow the Laurel & Hardy monologue) compare one to the other, unless prompted by new acquaintance. Each of my experiences has been different. I've dated over a dozen Black women, from every background -- dirt poor, ghetto, hoodrat, middle class as I have mostly always been, up to those who came from milquetoast/suburban backgrounds. They all got treated the same. I've dated Latinas from every ethnic group and heritage in the Caribbean and some from parts of Central and South America. My longest relationship has been 7 months -- and that was with someone who, while remaining unnamed -- walked around proclaiming loudly to the world that they were one way, and were TRULY the opposite behind closed doors.
Even with that experience in my past, I never made the next woman pay for it. I picked myself up, dusted myself off. Learned from it, and now am a wholly complete and grown man able to treat a woman with total respect, transparency, and honoring her virtue.
That doesn't mean there wasn't any pain along the way.
Along with the aforementioned "nerdiness" and quirky traits, thirst for knowledge, etc., I had become somewhat of a loner. When you are ostracized by your peers (including some who were purportedly "friends" before your ordeal), you willfully or unwillfully, depending on who you are -- retreat into your own "world" of sorts. I did that for the first part of my 20s once my skin cleared up. I had just moved from New York and begrudgingly gone back to Greensboro, for what was supposed to only be a few months.
I began working at Aetna immediately (you know, back when you could get a job on the spot ha). I made several friends almost instantly. A few of them I still talk to today (Nakia Johnson, Mischa Miles, etc. were some of the first people I met there after leaving New York). Given that I was no longer close with hardly anyone from my high school graduating class, and most of my new friends were back in New York -- I was not in college and now working in an office with people who were in their 20s, 30s and 40s, married with families and I'm in Greensboro where I could count on one hand how many people I knew outside of my immediate family. Being underage also precluded me from socializing much. I was isolated to only getting to know young women my age at the office or at "that church" I went to at the time.
NIGHTMARES.
Let's just say that despite it all, I didn't waver in the foundation that my parents set for me and I somehow didn't off myself nor anyone else, nor began Black woman-bashing (although my critics claim I do, I don't see how it is anything more than telling the truth and further exposing the fact that women in general hate to be criticized and are quick to become defensive at any perceived or real slight aimed in their direction). I accept this and do not become bothered much by it. But let's not dispute empirical evidence and first-hand experiences by many guys who say a lot of the same things verbatim -- and it's not out of this supposed "self-hate" or any of these other wacky theories that are sprouting up and shot from the hip nowadays. While it may be true for some ignoramus men out there, it doesn't apply to me. I've never been one to want to be anything other than what I am. I love my hue, I love my background. I love the fact that I have the best of both worlds -- having split my life between the 212/718 and 336/252. Gives me perspective and makes me well-rounded. And because I am culturally diverse as well, I can relate to anyone whether they are Black or Puerto Rican especially, whether they are from 140th & Lenox of 116th & 3rd, or from Henderson or Tarboro, Greensboro, Durham, Manassas or Union City. I've lived in the hood, the ghetto, the suburbs and the country. So I say all that to say this -- I'M PROUD OF WHO GOD MADE ME AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. If you want to disagree, that's fine. I won't waste time arguing with you ha.
I had a stalker recently try to shout me down. I didn't know this broad, but she was spewing this same garbage. Do you really think a guy wants to hear someone so bitter, so contentious and insecure -- if he's going to enter into a relationship or *GULP* spend his life with you? I didn't know the broad and only "knew" her mutual friend through Facebook. She saw I had a new interest who happens -- HAPPENS -- to not be Black and all of a sudden I get two-two page long rants about everything and nothing relevant or accurate. This is sadly the picture that a lot of men, not just Black men, have when it comes to Black women. Why this is so -- please educate me, my Black female sisters. I'm tired of trying. Especially when I'm not one who adds the coals to the fire. I can't name one person who, if they TRULY spent time around me -- didn't come away EDIFIED, not TORN DOWN as a result. If you feel this is not so, then please break it down to me. Edifying is one of my spiritual gifts and I do not abuse it nor exploit it for the converse.
You know, I hear the "well, your mother is Black" stuff. And? Or "you should get with a woman who looks like your mother". My mother is nowhere near the same complexion as I am. Happens that if you really wanted to go there, half the time the women I've gone after (including the current) are her complexion. But for the sake of arguing, I've truly dated women of every shade, contrary to popular belief. And I haven't mistreated any of them, nor put the next guy at risk for feeling her wrath because of what I had done. Timing is everything and none of those past situations worked out. I didn't leave any of them on bad terms. Just the aforementioned one that left a sour taste in my mouth for a minute, but that's it.
My other point was the fact that going down south put me at a disadvantage: I wasn't around women my age. I spent my early 20s dealing with "cougars". And that's fine if you're sexin' 'em (I was on my celibate grind, trying to please God in every facet back then), but what young dude in his right mind is going around cuffin' women 8, 10, 15 (yes, a few of them were in their mid-late 30s when I was 21, 22) older than they -- and they want to have children on top of that?
Speaking of which -- I have to put this out there, because I know this one chick will claim I scorned her ha. But get this, she was divorced, had been trying to get at me years previously, but I have never been that guy who messed with married or involved women, so I deflected her then-advances. But now she's divorced, has THREE children AND her tubes tied. She finally gets what she wants and starts talking some wifey nonsense. ARE YOU DEAD ASS? Are you REALLY that thirsty? As they say in those old Hollywood movies, "you know what this is, nothing more, nothing less!" Move on. Here I am, still in my prime, wanting a REAL marriage and my OWN children, and you're running around here, tubes tied, talking about you love me and want to marry me. SERIOUSLY? This is not uncommon in general, but it has been crazy broads like that (she's Black) that I've had to deal with.
I've gone the intellectual route. Iron sharpens iron, right? Or so my Bible tells me. I want an equal, not a subordinate, not these "Ms. Independent" types who like to condescend at every turn. But when you leave slags, skags, hoodrats and jumpoffs alone, and try to finally find someone on your level, they think more highly of themselves than they ought (most of these "Independent" types -- I'm talking about YOU) and that is a put off. So for the ones who did that in their 20s and that biological clock is like an Al-Qaeda WMD and you're 34 -- TOO BAD. I have no pity for you. I've been given the Heisman by too many of you to ever share empathy nor express sympathy. Lesson to you -- never think more highly of yourself than you ought. THE END.
And even dealing with the ones who were even-keeled, they tried to make me into something I'm not. I ran the streets in Harlem. I ran them in Brooklyn for a time. I am 31 years old. That's tired to me now. I don't do the club, I don't touch the drugs anymore. I'm ready to be a family man. Been ready for the past 3-4 years. Appreciate that fact. Why would you want a guy who spends 3-4 nights a week closing the club and/or the bar? Or you don't even know if he's coming home at all that night? And you have to chase him down just to get him to spend time with you? I had these academic type broads put me down because I wasn't "thug" enough. WHAT??? Where is all that "good man" bullshit you were screaming before?
I'm moving on.
So to tally everything up:
1. The hoodrats recognize your G, but think you're too nerdy.
2. The crazy ones won't let you breathe and are trying to trap you.
3. The hoes and slags want to run game on you and act holy on Sunday (yeah, I went there, and if the right person responds to this when I post on Facebook, I'm going to REALLY go in on church women).
4. The so-called smart ones, mere equals, think they're too good for you, smarter than you and think you're somehow incapable of handling yourself in the streets because you're not smacking them around and calling them out of their name 24/7.
5. Then you have the ones who seem to always get overlooked. Just as I did throughout my 20s.
I will admit, there are a lot of good women out there. A LOT OF GOOD BLACK WOMEN. I know tons of them personally. Many are married. Many are not. So I was never really one to claim they didn't exist. But I had so many of them tell me to MY FACE that there are no good men left -- and including me when saying that. What am I supposed to do with that? Especially when I go someplace else, and have my attributes appreciated, not having someone trying to change me into something that I am not and all this other superficial BS that seems to constantly plague any attempts at a healthy relationship? I have expressed since I was 26 years old that I am done with the so-called Bachelor Life. I want marriage, I make it known clearly, and while that is the case, I am also wise enough not to rush into anything and have learned a lot after sitting under wise counsel from several pastors and serving over a ministry myself for three-plus years (Singles). You learn a thing or two about effective relationships. And when you encounter the right person to exhibit those things, they begin to show themselves. God help me that I finally have the chance to do so and have it appreciated.
But for the life of me I can't understand why good men and good women in GENERAL, regardless of "race" (a division that I have long tired of and wish that people would refuse using in order to delineate and divide -- at least in my presence) cannot find each other. I am a very transient guy. I go everywhere. You can see me in Starbuck's, Barnes & Noble, Whole Foods, MoMa, Radio City, the Barrio, Hamilton Place, 155th & 8th, 119th & Lenox, the Harbor, all over Jersey, the country, the ghetto, you name it. I can do all these environments and be myself in each of them. Yet somehow I don't count as a good man, and never get noticed ha?
Same for the women. You'd think college would be a great place, but everyone's like the BxM3 express bus speeding down 5th Avenue with no traffic -- how can you catch a speeding bus when it never slows down and doesn't stop to accept new passengers? This is the way I feel many people live their lives and MOST of the time, the perfect person for them is in their general vicinity -- and often times on a regular basis, but they're too busy to stop and smell the proverbial roses, per sé. Just my .02¢.
With regards to Jill Scott's letter/article in Essence, it's a little different. I'm still trying to understand the flip side of it. My friend Lynette points out a salient fact -- it's different for a Black man, with the luxury of being able to date pretty much any ethnicity of woman out there, than it is for Black women, who are still viewed as somewhat taboo by non-Blacks (with respect to their family's perception of her). I never spent THAT much time thinking about this, because I have never been that type of person to care 1) who someone dates and/or 2) why they date them, motives pure or impure -- just doesn't matter to me. I got bigger things to be concerned about than to bitch and moan about a bruva ("brother" or Black dude for those who don't get my spelling) dating a White chick, or even if he's a dumbass for his reason for doing so. Who cares at the end of the day? Most of the time, he gets played if he is in it for the wrong reasons. If he genuinely loves her and not spiting his nose to spare his face, and the same is true for her, who are you to care that they're together? And let's not talk about slavery and all those war stories about "sticking together". PLEASE. Enough already. If you are younger than 40, it is NOT your reality, so save it. You didn't go through Civil Rights, and you weren't even old enough to grasp what the Panthers did and what they were all about, because J. Edgar and his boys with the Cointelpro made sure that got stamped out in a HURRY. And you weren't around when Attucks and the boys did their thing in Boston nor were you whipped and caned in the fields in Red Mud, Mississippi, so knock it off arrite? While I can somewhat agree that the ratio of Black men dating "Other" women is largely disparate to that of Black women dating "Other" men, I 1) don't care who anyone dates, so I couldn't care less about those statistics, but 2) more relevant than my personal feelings -- Black women more often than not put themSELVES in this box where they THINK no one finds them desirable. Then they begin self-deprecating, complaining and becoming more and more cynical, and men see this -- and are put off by it. In other words, your aura and personality can sometimes precede you and whereas you can have a lot to offer to a man and bring so much to the table, he'll never get to know that part of you because 1) you haven't let go of your baggage from past hurts, 2) you have this defensive, hurt-him-before-he-hurts-me-and-if-he-sticks-around-after-all-that-then-he's-a-keeper mentality, and 3) you have walls that will make the people of Jericho or the Women of Brewster Place blush.
There are men of ALL shades who love and adore Black women. But they never get their fair shot. You have those women who only want to marry a Black man, and that's fine. They have that right and I'm certainly not bothered by that in the least. But know the statistics and demographics before willfully putting yourself in that box.
There are Black women who would be open to dating non-Black men, but don't know where to start.
There are Black women who date other men and find that at the end of the day, MEN ARE MEN. It is not that "the MAN" is out to get us, but rather simply sometimes having a PEER of your age group of ANY ethnicity who can share similarities with you where they matter most -- that make for effective relationships. If it happens to be someone of a different nationality, ethnic background or culture than you, then go for it.
But for those who like to sit around, making themselves and other miserable, complaining as if they don't have options available to them that ARE present (and they are either completely oblivious to them or willfully blind) I have very little sympathy. I know too many guys from too many ethnic backgrounds whose stories and testaments don't line up with what Jill Scott claim -- nor the 500+ people who agreed with her on that Essence article.
At any rate, that's just MY story and I'm sticking to it.
But as always --
DISCUSS>>>
As politically incorrect as I wanna be.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Entrepreneurs Wanted
Entrepreneurs Wanted
M.D. Wright
3.30.10
Quite plain and simple note here.
Yes, I want to reach out to those who are available to sit down, hash out ideas, brainstorm and most importantly, WRITE OUT THOSE IDEAS/PLANS. I've been around enough talkers. I've been around a FEW doers, because I've started three businesses now since I was 18, but I am ready to make a leap. Let's do it. I don't care if you don't live in New York. Obviously, if you do, it makes it easier for us to interface, but even for those who don't, there's Skype, there's blogs, there's webpages, there are a multitude of ways for us to interact and bounce ideas off one another. This isn't 1995, we're in "0'10" and it's time to use this technology to break down the barriers in communication and business networking, not allow the barriers to still stand.
My contact information is as follows:
Email: mdwright718@hotmail.com
Phone: 917.687.0199
Skype: esquire212
AIM: negritochulo1979
Twitter: esquire212
Facebook: Michael D. Wright
I am also on foursquare and LinkedIn, for those who use those services as well.
Let's make 0'10 THAT YEAR.
Peace
MDW
M.D. Wright
3.30.10
Quite plain and simple note here.
Yes, I want to reach out to those who are available to sit down, hash out ideas, brainstorm and most importantly, WRITE OUT THOSE IDEAS/PLANS. I've been around enough talkers. I've been around a FEW doers, because I've started three businesses now since I was 18, but I am ready to make a leap. Let's do it. I don't care if you don't live in New York. Obviously, if you do, it makes it easier for us to interface, but even for those who don't, there's Skype, there's blogs, there's webpages, there are a multitude of ways for us to interact and bounce ideas off one another. This isn't 1995, we're in "0'10" and it's time to use this technology to break down the barriers in communication and business networking, not allow the barriers to still stand.
My contact information is as follows:
Email: mdwright718@hotmail.com
Phone: 917.687.0199
Skype: esquire212
AIM: negritochulo1979
Twitter: esquire212
Facebook: Michael D. Wright
I am also on foursquare and LinkedIn, for those who use those services as well.
Let's make 0'10 THAT YEAR.
Peace
MDW
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
My Take On The Obamacare Bill
My Take On The Obamacare Bill
M.D. Wright
3.23.10
I don't want to go on a long spiel or even sound like I am bashing Obama, because contrary to widespread belief, I really have no animus towards the guy and not criticizing him any more than any other President or (s)elected official. But I feel as though I need to preface everything I am going to say so that my readers -- that is, those who actually read what I say and don't jump to useless conclusions because their emotions got involved -- can maintain focus and keep my comments within the proper context.
As an imperfect Christian, I am speaking out, rather than judging. So when I speak about the events of the past 18 months, I have become very reflective of what has taken place in the White House, Washington in general and the Upper West Side/Harlem (Charlie Rangel's district, which of course is my playground). I don't make personal attacks or hurl insults or baseless allegations at President Barack Obama nor anyone else for that matter.
But let's dissect things further.
You can believe what you want to believe -- and I FULLY respect that. But also, respect my stance as well.
I don't care whether Obama is a Christian or not. That is the least of my concerns. No, I am not a liberal, nor a Democrat -- nor am I a Republican, but I am conservative and an Independent. I don't particularly care for his policies.
Coming from the biblical standpoint, I'm looking at the end times and what the Lord says will happen in these last days. If you are not a Christian and don't consider yourself a part of the Body of Christ -- I'm not condemning you, nor dismissing what your faith consists of. You all know me too well and I have friends from over 75 countries and many faiths and so forth, so you already know what it is.
But the Bible says that there will be wars and rumors of wars, earthquakes, disasters, and the coming of the anti-Christ system of government. The way it was described in the Bible (without going into a sermon -- unless you want me to ha) mirrors what is SWIFTLY taking place before our eyes over the past decade and DEFINITELY since 2008.
People think Obama is about change, but while that is disputable, we need to point out one FACT:
THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS CHOSEN... NOT ELECTED.
Your vote doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. This Democrat vs. Republican thing is all an act and they're all in bed together. They represent the Oligarchy and do not ultimately care about you Average Joes at the local level. People getting up in arms about this Healthcare Reform Act need to get a grip on reality. Especially supposed/purported Christians and Black people. These Washington cats are laughing at you. You took the bait -- hook, line and sinker. You bought into the whole race thing -- as the media (which is a vehicle for said Oligarchy) played it up over the past few decades; especially with the liberal agenda that is at work. Media and political correctness makes (SOME) people who aren't Black feel guilty about being racists or labeled as such nowadays.
Think about it.
Look at who voted for Obama and who supports him and then the policies that are at work now:
Most of the White people who voted for Obama are either extreme liberals or were voting against the incumbent, which is the status quo.
Most Black and Latino voters voted for Obama because he looks more like them (and Blacks unconditionally voted for him because he is [whatever "percentage" Black you deem him ha]) and gave a pass to what have been historically hot-button issues within these communities such as abortion and gay marriage.
Which leads me to the group who I am most upset with -- CHRISTIANS.
For one, how are you acting oblivious to what is going on and CALL YOURSELF A BIBLE BELIEVING CHRISTIAN? Do you ever crack open your Bible ha? Do you think hiding your head in the sand and hoping and crying "staaaaap" like a 6 year old is gonna make it go away ha? DEAR GOD people get me tight when this legislation is clearly steering us toward being controlled and enslaved by an increasingly larger and wider-ranging government. Somehow so many of my Black brothers and sisters, some of whom are purported Christians, seem to not have a problem with this.
RFID microchips MANDATORY?
You don't accept the REQUIRED healthcare and end up in a FEMA camp being treated who KNOWS how foul?
Like one of my friends said, I am not accepting any mark of the beast, even if it carries a death penalty. I'm dying for what I believe just like anyone else who does, if need be.
I called it in 2006 when they passed that credit card legislation. It went largely ignored, which is startling, because it affected just as many people as healthcare does. Your minimum payments went from the greater of a calculated percentage or a certain dollar amount (depending on your creditor).
For instance (you all know me, so I have nothing to hide, and good luck trying to use any personal information against me that I may happen to dispense, anyway), one of my credit cards had a monthly payment of $220 up until January 2006. I was doing good financially up until then as you all know. I had savings for over a year after leaving Aetna a few months prior, but this was the beginning of the end as I knew it for me. My minimum payment TRIPLED in February that year, as of February 1. I was devastated. So needless to say, with a $540 car payment, $90 insurance, $90 phone, a myriad of other business/credit expenses, TUITION/ROOM AND BOARD OUT OF POCKET and now the largest of my credit cards netting me a $660/mo. bill, it was about to turn real ugly VERY quickly. I tried to warn people, but somehow not many people talked about how this credit card legislation affected them.
SEGUE.
Fast forward to November 2008 and President-Elect Obama is waxing Robin Hood and it sounds good. I'm no hater, if I were naive and actually thought for a second that the 30,000 ultra-powerful people in this world who control all forms of media and more importantly, WASHINGTON, were going to allow someone to make promises to uproot the establishment (said 30,000, essentially) and the existing power structure -- looting them for their riches to feed to the poor who mostly "voted" for him, then I would've been there crying and falling out in the street in front of the State Office Building in Harlem like so many were. I couldn't really get into the fact that he was the first Black president. What weighed in my mind more heavily was the U.S. was done for good as we knew it. There is no going back. But I don't place the blame at Obama's feet. He's just the new (Black) face of the coming world system. It was timed perfectly, because of how we have been ultra-sensitized (a bit) with race issues, and people wanting to feel good for "making history". I really wanted to know why most Black people under 40 voted for Obama. I've yet to find a dozen total who said anything that made any intelligible sense.
All I hear is:
"My President is Black, that's all I care."
"It would've been more of the same..."
"Bush spent 8 years blah blah blah..."
I'm no Bush supporter, and I don't support either one of those "parties" (they're all one in the same for you neophytes who still don't get it). Hell, the MAIN reason we're in this mess in 2010 are the policies instituted under Clinton's watch and, in some instances, the philosophies and policies of both Bush presidents and Reagan before them. No partisan talk here, they can fling mud all day, but they're equally culpable for where we are right now. NAFTA, more than anything else, is the single-most reason why so many people are unemployed in the United States today. If you disagree, you shouldn't be trying to discuss politics. Is that Obama's fault? NATURALLY NOT. He was doing grassroots work in Chicago when it was done. Heck, hadn't he just left Columbia just before this? In reality, Bush 41 was just as on board with NAFTA as Clinton was with his vehemency in passing it once he became President. Sound familiar? My reason for bringing all of this together is that people suggest that I'm bashing Obama, but most of them didn't care nor know (and many still DON'T) much about politics until Obama came to the forefront, meanwhile, I've been studying, watching the news (keenly remember watching the Ollie North trial on the evening news every night for what seemed like FOREVER back in the 80s) and going to the polls since '84. When "Jesse" was trying to do what Obama did, I saw him in Henderson, NC campaigning. In '88, I went with my parents to the polls and (for those who know me, I've always been studious -- find any number of photos of me even far back as age 5 or before and I had a book or newspaper in hand) read the poll slips. We watched the '88 election between Dukakis and Bush and it went into the wee hours of the next morning -- people were thinking the world was coming to an end back then, too, I do recall. People thought things were going to get better when Clinton entered office -- and to be fair, they really did DURING his time, but what about the after-effects.
THAT IS WHAT I AM WORRIED ABOUT MOST WITH THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION AND THE HEALTHCARE REFORM BILL.
I hope you followed that parallel.
But, alas, for those who may not have --
Clinton's presidency was largely cheered (myself included, I was working, walked into Mickey D's in Greensboro and got a job on the spot, walked into Kinney Shoes -- back when it was still in operation near the World Trade Center -- and got a job on the spot opening the first Champs Sports stores in New York during that time, so times were good), but the policies that slipped by the masses are the ones that are just as much responsible for us being in this mess as this façade of a "war" that we are in right now. This Healthcare Reform Act is going to have manifold repercussions, financially, SOCIALLY and on a federal/control level. It, like Clinton's early policies, looks good on paper and there are enough short-term fixes to assuage the Average Joe's concerns, but once the chicken comes home to roost and that baby has to be paid off -- who's gonna do it? Social Security is almost CERTAINLY going to be kaput in about 10 years. How can it be paid for and we're going to be paying for this bill until MY GENERATION'S CHILDREN are 50 (if Christ hasn't blown this crap to smithereens already by then)???
No one seems to care, just as long as they have healthcare.
And don't let me get started on some of the things I've seen people type to this point regarding their newfound desire to go to the doctor all of a sudden.
I just hate idiocy. I don't like when White people discriminate against all others in order to blindly support someone solely because they're White and likewise I hate it when Black people do it and on down the line. If Bush had proposed the SAME act with the SAME language, these same people would be calling for the White House to be burned down.
You don't like what I gotta say, go play in peak hour on the LIE.
WAKE UP.
M.D. Wright
3.23.10
I don't want to go on a long spiel or even sound like I am bashing Obama, because contrary to widespread belief, I really have no animus towards the guy and not criticizing him any more than any other President or (s)elected official. But I feel as though I need to preface everything I am going to say so that my readers -- that is, those who actually read what I say and don't jump to useless conclusions because their emotions got involved -- can maintain focus and keep my comments within the proper context.
As an imperfect Christian, I am speaking out, rather than judging. So when I speak about the events of the past 18 months, I have become very reflective of what has taken place in the White House, Washington in general and the Upper West Side/Harlem (Charlie Rangel's district, which of course is my playground). I don't make personal attacks or hurl insults or baseless allegations at President Barack Obama nor anyone else for that matter.
But let's dissect things further.
You can believe what you want to believe -- and I FULLY respect that. But also, respect my stance as well.
I don't care whether Obama is a Christian or not. That is the least of my concerns. No, I am not a liberal, nor a Democrat -- nor am I a Republican, but I am conservative and an Independent. I don't particularly care for his policies.
Coming from the biblical standpoint, I'm looking at the end times and what the Lord says will happen in these last days. If you are not a Christian and don't consider yourself a part of the Body of Christ -- I'm not condemning you, nor dismissing what your faith consists of. You all know me too well and I have friends from over 75 countries and many faiths and so forth, so you already know what it is.
But the Bible says that there will be wars and rumors of wars, earthquakes, disasters, and the coming of the anti-Christ system of government. The way it was described in the Bible (without going into a sermon -- unless you want me to ha) mirrors what is SWIFTLY taking place before our eyes over the past decade and DEFINITELY since 2008.
People think Obama is about change, but while that is disputable, we need to point out one FACT:
THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS CHOSEN... NOT ELECTED.
Your vote doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. This Democrat vs. Republican thing is all an act and they're all in bed together. They represent the Oligarchy and do not ultimately care about you Average Joes at the local level. People getting up in arms about this Healthcare Reform Act need to get a grip on reality. Especially supposed/purported Christians and Black people. These Washington cats are laughing at you. You took the bait -- hook, line and sinker. You bought into the whole race thing -- as the media (which is a vehicle for said Oligarchy) played it up over the past few decades; especially with the liberal agenda that is at work. Media and political correctness makes (SOME) people who aren't Black feel guilty about being racists or labeled as such nowadays.
Think about it.
Look at who voted for Obama and who supports him and then the policies that are at work now:
Most of the White people who voted for Obama are either extreme liberals or were voting against the incumbent, which is the status quo.
Most Black and Latino voters voted for Obama because he looks more like them (and Blacks unconditionally voted for him because he is [whatever "percentage" Black you deem him ha]) and gave a pass to what have been historically hot-button issues within these communities such as abortion and gay marriage.
Which leads me to the group who I am most upset with -- CHRISTIANS.
For one, how are you acting oblivious to what is going on and CALL YOURSELF A BIBLE BELIEVING CHRISTIAN? Do you ever crack open your Bible ha? Do you think hiding your head in the sand and hoping and crying "staaaaap" like a 6 year old is gonna make it go away ha? DEAR GOD people get me tight when this legislation is clearly steering us toward being controlled and enslaved by an increasingly larger and wider-ranging government. Somehow so many of my Black brothers and sisters, some of whom are purported Christians, seem to not have a problem with this.
RFID microchips MANDATORY?
You don't accept the REQUIRED healthcare and end up in a FEMA camp being treated who KNOWS how foul?
Like one of my friends said, I am not accepting any mark of the beast, even if it carries a death penalty. I'm dying for what I believe just like anyone else who does, if need be.
I called it in 2006 when they passed that credit card legislation. It went largely ignored, which is startling, because it affected just as many people as healthcare does. Your minimum payments went from the greater of a calculated percentage or a certain dollar amount (depending on your creditor).
For instance (you all know me, so I have nothing to hide, and good luck trying to use any personal information against me that I may happen to dispense, anyway), one of my credit cards had a monthly payment of $220 up until January 2006. I was doing good financially up until then as you all know. I had savings for over a year after leaving Aetna a few months prior, but this was the beginning of the end as I knew it for me. My minimum payment TRIPLED in February that year, as of February 1. I was devastated. So needless to say, with a $540 car payment, $90 insurance, $90 phone, a myriad of other business/credit expenses, TUITION/ROOM AND BOARD OUT OF POCKET and now the largest of my credit cards netting me a $660/mo. bill, it was about to turn real ugly VERY quickly. I tried to warn people, but somehow not many people talked about how this credit card legislation affected them.
SEGUE.
Fast forward to November 2008 and President-Elect Obama is waxing Robin Hood and it sounds good. I'm no hater, if I were naive and actually thought for a second that the 30,000 ultra-powerful people in this world who control all forms of media and more importantly, WASHINGTON, were going to allow someone to make promises to uproot the establishment (said 30,000, essentially) and the existing power structure -- looting them for their riches to feed to the poor who mostly "voted" for him, then I would've been there crying and falling out in the street in front of the State Office Building in Harlem like so many were. I couldn't really get into the fact that he was the first Black president. What weighed in my mind more heavily was the U.S. was done for good as we knew it. There is no going back. But I don't place the blame at Obama's feet. He's just the new (Black) face of the coming world system. It was timed perfectly, because of how we have been ultra-sensitized (a bit) with race issues, and people wanting to feel good for "making history". I really wanted to know why most Black people under 40 voted for Obama. I've yet to find a dozen total who said anything that made any intelligible sense.
All I hear is:
"My President is Black, that's all I care."
"It would've been more of the same..."
"Bush spent 8 years blah blah blah..."
I'm no Bush supporter, and I don't support either one of those "parties" (they're all one in the same for you neophytes who still don't get it). Hell, the MAIN reason we're in this mess in 2010 are the policies instituted under Clinton's watch and, in some instances, the philosophies and policies of both Bush presidents and Reagan before them. No partisan talk here, they can fling mud all day, but they're equally culpable for where we are right now. NAFTA, more than anything else, is the single-most reason why so many people are unemployed in the United States today. If you disagree, you shouldn't be trying to discuss politics. Is that Obama's fault? NATURALLY NOT. He was doing grassroots work in Chicago when it was done. Heck, hadn't he just left Columbia just before this? In reality, Bush 41 was just as on board with NAFTA as Clinton was with his vehemency in passing it once he became President. Sound familiar? My reason for bringing all of this together is that people suggest that I'm bashing Obama, but most of them didn't care nor know (and many still DON'T) much about politics until Obama came to the forefront, meanwhile, I've been studying, watching the news (keenly remember watching the Ollie North trial on the evening news every night for what seemed like FOREVER back in the 80s) and going to the polls since '84. When "Jesse" was trying to do what Obama did, I saw him in Henderson, NC campaigning. In '88, I went with my parents to the polls and (for those who know me, I've always been studious -- find any number of photos of me even far back as age 5 or before and I had a book or newspaper in hand) read the poll slips. We watched the '88 election between Dukakis and Bush and it went into the wee hours of the next morning -- people were thinking the world was coming to an end back then, too, I do recall. People thought things were going to get better when Clinton entered office -- and to be fair, they really did DURING his time, but what about the after-effects.
THAT IS WHAT I AM WORRIED ABOUT MOST WITH THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION AND THE HEALTHCARE REFORM BILL.
I hope you followed that parallel.
But, alas, for those who may not have --
Clinton's presidency was largely cheered (myself included, I was working, walked into Mickey D's in Greensboro and got a job on the spot, walked into Kinney Shoes -- back when it was still in operation near the World Trade Center -- and got a job on the spot opening the first Champs Sports stores in New York during that time, so times were good), but the policies that slipped by the masses are the ones that are just as much responsible for us being in this mess as this façade of a "war" that we are in right now. This Healthcare Reform Act is going to have manifold repercussions, financially, SOCIALLY and on a federal/control level. It, like Clinton's early policies, looks good on paper and there are enough short-term fixes to assuage the Average Joe's concerns, but once the chicken comes home to roost and that baby has to be paid off -- who's gonna do it? Social Security is almost CERTAINLY going to be kaput in about 10 years. How can it be paid for and we're going to be paying for this bill until MY GENERATION'S CHILDREN are 50 (if Christ hasn't blown this crap to smithereens already by then)???
No one seems to care, just as long as they have healthcare.
And don't let me get started on some of the things I've seen people type to this point regarding their newfound desire to go to the doctor all of a sudden.
I just hate idiocy. I don't like when White people discriminate against all others in order to blindly support someone solely because they're White and likewise I hate it when Black people do it and on down the line. If Bush had proposed the SAME act with the SAME language, these same people would be calling for the White House to be burned down.
You don't like what I gotta say, go play in peak hour on the LIE.
WAKE UP.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Topic Of Conversation
Topic Of Conversation
M.D. Wright
3.10.10
Let me get off real quick no homo. I've been having tons of discussions of late -- especially the past six months (more or less LISTENING to people vent, watching situations go down, rather than my talking -- because I'm actually very much tired of beating the proverbial dead horse -- which is what it is in my opinion). Given that I am really sick of the discussion, I'm just going to put it all out there -- where I stand on the whole Male vs. Female dynamic in relationships and break it all down to you. This way, I don't have to constantly respond to 71 notifications left on someone's status about this, that or the third.
And the topic is this saying "Nice Guys Finish Last".
I hate that line. It's stupid. People can argue its validity all day, but then again, it comes down to being a values judgment and very much subjective.
Example: DEFINE "NICE".
Everyone's meaning will differ. Some will say being nice (for all intents and purposes) amounts to being a pushover, a doormat and fearful, which is the reason for the "nicety", rather than being courteous, pleasant and kind-hearted CONSCIOUSLY although maintaining the ability and willingness to express the converse if required. Some people are nice because they are scared to confront others and don't want to be contentious. Others are nice because they want to be treated the same way, even though they can get in your ass if they needed to/felt like it.
But do "Nice Guys" really finish last? Do they even finish at ALL in 2010? You tell me.
My stance on it is thus:
There are (in terms of character makeup, persona, etc.) three types of women and two types of men when it comes to relationships and dealing with one another.
WOMEN:
1. Strong-willed, take no nonsense off anyone, but can still be loving and are cherished by those closest to her.
EXAMPLE: These are usually women from a generation or two ago, and before. RARELY will you find this nowadays in a woman 35 and younger.
2. Passive, timid, painfully shy, acting as a doormat and reluctant to confront those who do wrong unto them.
EXAMPLE: A good number of women nowadays, especially those so desperate for attention and "love" that they settle and end up with someone who neither appreciates nor respects them.
3. Bull-headed, smart, financially settled and doing her own thing, but struggles in the relationship department -- claiming they want a lasting relationship, but lacking the knowledge and wisdom to begin such an endeavor.
EXAMPLE: A burgeoning group of women -- mostly of this current generation (AND GOD HELP US, the one coming along behind this one). Everything is about status, gender debates and "equality" (i.e. punish innocent men for the societal ills of thousands of years, just so that they can have their way in every situation, as they see fit).
For sure, this isn't fool proof, but that covers 97.6% of all women. I do not have empirical evidence to support that percentage, but my gut says so and that's that. The few who don't fit any of those three fields are happily married or happily single.
MEN:
1. Dogs.
EXAMPLE: Most men nowadays, because society makes women feel like they have to be objects in order to attain the attention that most women starve for to begin with, thereby cheapening themselves and lessening their respective self-worths -- and, as a by-product, more and more men feel less of a desire nor a need to commit to any type of relationship whatsoever, when everything they can get from such a relationship is readily available from a good number of women at any given time via phone call, text, FACEBOOK or what have you.
2. Men of standards.
EXAMPLE: A dying breed, the "punished" type that I spoke about in Bullet Point #3 in the WOMEN section, some are like #2 in the WOMEN section, passive, timid, etc., lack any assertion skills whatsoever when it comes to dealing with women, but a good number were raised to respect women, without being pussy-whipped and hen-picked, being gentlemen, without being pushovers and sherms. Quite often, men who are labeled as "nice guys" (a euphemism for being soft, a pushover, etc.) are capable of handling their business (and actually put in WORK/HAVE BODIES, whereas the biggest talkers/"bad boys" don't exactly live up to the hype they give off) and are anything but. In a way, these men are a lot like the WOMEN #1 group. They are rare and a dying breed, because society is making it so.
Men are complicated and simple at the same time. With us, you either have standards (whether they be moral or faith-based) or you're just a douche/asshole/complete dog. There's really no in-between. Some may try to play both sides of the fence, but they fail epically and everyone gives them the vaunted Price Is Right Fail Horn as a result. Men AND women spot those types from a mile away and neither gives such a man any respect.
NOW -- how this all shakes out:
WOMAN #1 runs into MAN #1
She's not going for his bull and lets him know off the top how it's going to be. He has two options if she doesn't cut his ass off already: a) fake like he's going to abide by it and inevitably get exposed or b) shape up. Since he's what he is to the core, he's more than likely going to do the former rather than the latter. WOMEN CANNOT CHANGE A MAN. Let's make this clear. I will not argue this. It will never be done. You can INFLUENCE him to change, but until he is sternly desirous of doing so, he WILL NOT. You can even be the IMPETUS for change, but you cannot make him change. I feel very strongly about this. I bring it up, because so many women want a fixer-upper man without readily admitting it (for fear of how they will be judged by family members and peers -- imagine if your friend, daughter or what have you comes home and says instead of "I want a good man, a man who I can trust, will be faithful and will work with me like a team in a relationship, etc. etc. etc." -- "Nah, I want this bum ass n---a over here who ain't really about nothing... no job, no desire to get one, no education, hates the idea of going to college or DEAR GOD FINISHING HIGH SCHOOL/GED even... drives my car everywhere, eats up my food, cheats on me -- all so I can fix him up and make him into that good man eventually -- you know, because my female nurturing instincts are just that wavy". You'd look her in the face and probably deck her if you're her mother. But even though many women won't openly say that, their ACTIONS DO.
I digress.
WOMAN #1 runs into MAN #2
Now, depending on whether he's a shemp or a gentleman, the way this can pan out varies greatly. She'd walk all over the shemp and claim he's "too nice". This does happen. It was more common in a time when men ruled the workplace and the home was where the woman had the say about how the children are to be raised, who does what, who spends this, that and the third. It has obviously changed nowadays, but rarely do you see such a woman happy with such a passive, unmotivated man.
However, the "man of standard and WOMAN #1 can work, because they both have the same foundational standards and are most likely looking for many of the same things. The wrench that gets thrown into play is BAGGAGE. One or both of them could have been hurt in previous relationships and as a result, WALLS are built. Not sheet rock walls that can be easily torn down, but those WOMEN OF BREWSTER PLACE type walls, where you have to chisel DAILY, bit by bit, tiring yourself out, wearing your nerves thin, always dealing with their insecurities, misconstruing of the slightest thing that you say that reminds them of a past failed relationship and persevere through some real bullshit just to get to the core of the person who was ruined by someone who didn't appreciate them to begin with. THIS, is very common.
And many times, from all of the talks I've had with women who fit this billing and men (myself included) who fit this billing, it seems like both the women and the men in WOMAN #1/MAN #2 situations have been in hurtful relationships in the past that have caused long-term damage and they've built up walls as a result. Unfortunate, but that's life in an imperfect world with imperfect (read: sinful) human beings.
This is where my argument comes in, and the question about "Nice Guys" even existing to begin with. If you're a gentleman (the non-pushover/backbone-having type), you are going to run into a woman who perceives that as weakness and will take advantage of it -- and if you say you haven't been taken advantage of you're either 1) LYING THROUGH YOUR OFF-WHITE/STUCCO COLORED TEETH or 2) built up walls to make sure she, nor any other woman can ever hurt you unless you hurt them first. It's just a matter of WHEN it happens in your life. Better to happen earlier than later, although in certain scenarios, that can lead MAN #2 to become like MAN #1, which is also VERY COMMON. Women feel increasingly free to conduct themselves (within the context of relationships with men) the way men have historically done. Hey, I'm no hater, that's the game. Just don't come around these parts with that shit because I'm done playing and on the right day you might rue the day you met me if you try to play me ha. But what happens is that they are cheating on the guy who, despite all the women who throw themselves at him, forsakes all of that and commits to ONE WOMAN. A difficult task to say the least. And sure, it is just as easy for women to be the same way, but a man committing to a woman is HARDER than for a woman to commit to a man, because 1) women are more emotionally-driven than men are -- if you don't agree with this, go play in peak hour Belt Parkway traffic and 2) as a by-product, men are more visual and physically-driven, and with the aforementioned socialization that has taken place between men and women and how mass media has furthered this dynamic, it is even MORE difficult for a man to commit.
All this leads me to one salient point. WOMEN: if you have a man who is willing to do those things, CLING to him and don't go around acting like a dumb slag, taking him for granted. I see it all the time. Had it happen to me on a few occasions, and I will say that is the best way to turn a man into a complete asshole and an out and out dog. For one, he's going to immediately regret turning down all the neck he was offered, all the chances he had to beat so and so and so and so's homegirl and so forth. He's going to be angry that he spent all that time in a futile exercise, and he's going to jump the fence. Some never make it back across that fence. But if women ever want to wonder why men become dogs, that's why.
I will readily admit even after saying all these things that women are only as good or evil as the men around them are. Where the men go (even feminists have to accept this, and there isn't a ACLU or liberal social group out there that can undo this fact), the women follow. If men are largely moral, faithful and upstanding, so are the women. If men are vile, lustful, lascivious and untrustworthy, women will largely become the same way (or begin "experimenting" with other women, which is quite common in 2010 and is another topic for another day completely).
WOMAN #3 runs into MAN #2
... and it's a train wreck for the most part. Unless he's a pushover, ugly, out of shape, low self-esteem and largely unmotivated (the type of man WOMAN #3 claims to hate dealing with -- but the only one with which she can actually conduct herself in the manner of the label affixed to her), this has no way of working out.
Why, you ask?
Such a woman infringes on general principles that a "Man of Standard" lives by. I can hear the chirping and heckles from skeptical and cynical women, but truthfully, more of these men exist than you realize -- and THAT is another topic for another day altogether -- just accept it as fact and learn to recognize them apart from "all the others", because there are telling signs and most of you miss them when they're staring you right in the face.
At any rate, all the bragging about income, job status, zip code, etc. and bringing home such a combative attitude into a relationship does not sit well with MAN #2. They will constantly butt heads, whether she has more material wealth or education than he does or not. They are effectively competing against one another when they should be competing against the world TOGETHER. I've been in this situation also. Some people know how that ended, but I dare someone to not find 10 instances just like it and damn if it didn't shake out the same way as it did with me. I don't want to give details for privacy/good form reasons, but those who know, know.
The saying, "there's someone for everyone" isn't really true, either, while we're at it. Not everyone wants to even be in a relationship, first of all. Then we have to discuss the discrepancies between the number of available women vs. the number of available men and all of the subgroups that have developed amongst THOSE. It's a long, winding maze and all ends at the same supposition -- THE SAYING IS NOT TRUE.
But looking over these character types, it is a bit easier to see how and why these gender battles continue to take place and with more frequency now than ever.
Ideally, WOMAN #1 and (healthy with a spine) MAN #2 run into one another.
But then again, given how rare they are respectively, how often does THAT happen?
All the more reason to realize who you're dealing with early on and either cut your losses or CLING to them if everything else that matters to you both is agreeable. It is amazing how many people throw away relationships over trivial, materialistic, superficial and downright stupid things.
If you're a good woman and you've got a good man and you know it, why are you going to violate the 80/20 rule by going and getting with some other guy because he may make a little more money and be willing to do these outrageous things for you that you never made clear to the man you actually HAVE in the first place?
If you're a good man and you've got a good woman and you know it, why risk it for some smut who, while probably possessing a couple of STDs, and maybe another that yet has a name, will probably try to Turkey Baste your ass and have you up for the next 18-23 years? Is it really worth all that? And the grief it will cause the woman who stuck by you up until that point, through thick and thin?
Whenever God blesses me with the woman who will appreciate me for who I am, the sentiment will be reciprocated, but I wrote all of these things just to say this:
I WONDER ABOUT PEOPLE SOMETIMES.
-----------------------------------------------------------
DISCUSS>>>
M.D. Wright
3.10.10
Let me get off real quick no homo. I've been having tons of discussions of late -- especially the past six months (more or less LISTENING to people vent, watching situations go down, rather than my talking -- because I'm actually very much tired of beating the proverbial dead horse -- which is what it is in my opinion). Given that I am really sick of the discussion, I'm just going to put it all out there -- where I stand on the whole Male vs. Female dynamic in relationships and break it all down to you. This way, I don't have to constantly respond to 71 notifications left on someone's status about this, that or the third.
And the topic is this saying "Nice Guys Finish Last".
I hate that line. It's stupid. People can argue its validity all day, but then again, it comes down to being a values judgment and very much subjective.
Example: DEFINE "NICE".
Everyone's meaning will differ. Some will say being nice (for all intents and purposes) amounts to being a pushover, a doormat and fearful, which is the reason for the "nicety", rather than being courteous, pleasant and kind-hearted CONSCIOUSLY although maintaining the ability and willingness to express the converse if required. Some people are nice because they are scared to confront others and don't want to be contentious. Others are nice because they want to be treated the same way, even though they can get in your ass if they needed to/felt like it.
But do "Nice Guys" really finish last? Do they even finish at ALL in 2010? You tell me.
My stance on it is thus:
There are (in terms of character makeup, persona, etc.) three types of women and two types of men when it comes to relationships and dealing with one another.
WOMEN:
1. Strong-willed, take no nonsense off anyone, but can still be loving and are cherished by those closest to her.
EXAMPLE: These are usually women from a generation or two ago, and before. RARELY will you find this nowadays in a woman 35 and younger.
2. Passive, timid, painfully shy, acting as a doormat and reluctant to confront those who do wrong unto them.
EXAMPLE: A good number of women nowadays, especially those so desperate for attention and "love" that they settle and end up with someone who neither appreciates nor respects them.
3. Bull-headed, smart, financially settled and doing her own thing, but struggles in the relationship department -- claiming they want a lasting relationship, but lacking the knowledge and wisdom to begin such an endeavor.
EXAMPLE: A burgeoning group of women -- mostly of this current generation (AND GOD HELP US, the one coming along behind this one). Everything is about status, gender debates and "equality" (i.e. punish innocent men for the societal ills of thousands of years, just so that they can have their way in every situation, as they see fit).
For sure, this isn't fool proof, but that covers 97.6% of all women. I do not have empirical evidence to support that percentage, but my gut says so and that's that. The few who don't fit any of those three fields are happily married or happily single.
MEN:
1. Dogs.
EXAMPLE: Most men nowadays, because society makes women feel like they have to be objects in order to attain the attention that most women starve for to begin with, thereby cheapening themselves and lessening their respective self-worths -- and, as a by-product, more and more men feel less of a desire nor a need to commit to any type of relationship whatsoever, when everything they can get from such a relationship is readily available from a good number of women at any given time via phone call, text, FACEBOOK or what have you.
2. Men of standards.
EXAMPLE: A dying breed, the "punished" type that I spoke about in Bullet Point #3 in the WOMEN section, some are like #2 in the WOMEN section, passive, timid, etc., lack any assertion skills whatsoever when it comes to dealing with women, but a good number were raised to respect women, without being pussy-whipped and hen-picked, being gentlemen, without being pushovers and sherms. Quite often, men who are labeled as "nice guys" (a euphemism for being soft, a pushover, etc.) are capable of handling their business (and actually put in WORK/HAVE BODIES, whereas the biggest talkers/"bad boys" don't exactly live up to the hype they give off) and are anything but. In a way, these men are a lot like the WOMEN #1 group. They are rare and a dying breed, because society is making it so.
Men are complicated and simple at the same time. With us, you either have standards (whether they be moral or faith-based) or you're just a douche/asshole/complete dog. There's really no in-between. Some may try to play both sides of the fence, but they fail epically and everyone gives them the vaunted Price Is Right Fail Horn as a result. Men AND women spot those types from a mile away and neither gives such a man any respect.
NOW -- how this all shakes out:
WOMAN #1 runs into MAN #1
She's not going for his bull and lets him know off the top how it's going to be. He has two options if she doesn't cut his ass off already: a) fake like he's going to abide by it and inevitably get exposed or b) shape up. Since he's what he is to the core, he's more than likely going to do the former rather than the latter. WOMEN CANNOT CHANGE A MAN. Let's make this clear. I will not argue this. It will never be done. You can INFLUENCE him to change, but until he is sternly desirous of doing so, he WILL NOT. You can even be the IMPETUS for change, but you cannot make him change. I feel very strongly about this. I bring it up, because so many women want a fixer-upper man without readily admitting it (for fear of how they will be judged by family members and peers -- imagine if your friend, daughter or what have you comes home and says instead of "I want a good man, a man who I can trust, will be faithful and will work with me like a team in a relationship, etc. etc. etc." -- "Nah, I want this bum ass n---a over here who ain't really about nothing... no job, no desire to get one, no education, hates the idea of going to college or DEAR GOD FINISHING HIGH SCHOOL/GED even... drives my car everywhere, eats up my food, cheats on me -- all so I can fix him up and make him into that good man eventually -- you know, because my female nurturing instincts are just that wavy". You'd look her in the face and probably deck her if you're her mother. But even though many women won't openly say that, their ACTIONS DO.
I digress.
WOMAN #1 runs into MAN #2
Now, depending on whether he's a shemp or a gentleman, the way this can pan out varies greatly. She'd walk all over the shemp and claim he's "too nice". This does happen. It was more common in a time when men ruled the workplace and the home was where the woman had the say about how the children are to be raised, who does what, who spends this, that and the third. It has obviously changed nowadays, but rarely do you see such a woman happy with such a passive, unmotivated man.
However, the "man of standard and WOMAN #1 can work, because they both have the same foundational standards and are most likely looking for many of the same things. The wrench that gets thrown into play is BAGGAGE. One or both of them could have been hurt in previous relationships and as a result, WALLS are built. Not sheet rock walls that can be easily torn down, but those WOMEN OF BREWSTER PLACE type walls, where you have to chisel DAILY, bit by bit, tiring yourself out, wearing your nerves thin, always dealing with their insecurities, misconstruing of the slightest thing that you say that reminds them of a past failed relationship and persevere through some real bullshit just to get to the core of the person who was ruined by someone who didn't appreciate them to begin with. THIS, is very common.
And many times, from all of the talks I've had with women who fit this billing and men (myself included) who fit this billing, it seems like both the women and the men in WOMAN #1/MAN #2 situations have been in hurtful relationships in the past that have caused long-term damage and they've built up walls as a result. Unfortunate, but that's life in an imperfect world with imperfect (read: sinful) human beings.
This is where my argument comes in, and the question about "Nice Guys" even existing to begin with. If you're a gentleman (the non-pushover/backbone-having type), you are going to run into a woman who perceives that as weakness and will take advantage of it -- and if you say you haven't been taken advantage of you're either 1) LYING THROUGH YOUR OFF-WHITE/STUCCO COLORED TEETH or 2) built up walls to make sure she, nor any other woman can ever hurt you unless you hurt them first. It's just a matter of WHEN it happens in your life. Better to happen earlier than later, although in certain scenarios, that can lead MAN #2 to become like MAN #1, which is also VERY COMMON. Women feel increasingly free to conduct themselves (within the context of relationships with men) the way men have historically done. Hey, I'm no hater, that's the game. Just don't come around these parts with that shit because I'm done playing and on the right day you might rue the day you met me if you try to play me ha. But what happens is that they are cheating on the guy who, despite all the women who throw themselves at him, forsakes all of that and commits to ONE WOMAN. A difficult task to say the least. And sure, it is just as easy for women to be the same way, but a man committing to a woman is HARDER than for a woman to commit to a man, because 1) women are more emotionally-driven than men are -- if you don't agree with this, go play in peak hour Belt Parkway traffic and 2) as a by-product, men are more visual and physically-driven, and with the aforementioned socialization that has taken place between men and women and how mass media has furthered this dynamic, it is even MORE difficult for a man to commit.
All this leads me to one salient point. WOMEN: if you have a man who is willing to do those things, CLING to him and don't go around acting like a dumb slag, taking him for granted. I see it all the time. Had it happen to me on a few occasions, and I will say that is the best way to turn a man into a complete asshole and an out and out dog. For one, he's going to immediately regret turning down all the neck he was offered, all the chances he had to beat so and so and so and so's homegirl and so forth. He's going to be angry that he spent all that time in a futile exercise, and he's going to jump the fence. Some never make it back across that fence. But if women ever want to wonder why men become dogs, that's why.
I will readily admit even after saying all these things that women are only as good or evil as the men around them are. Where the men go (even feminists have to accept this, and there isn't a ACLU or liberal social group out there that can undo this fact), the women follow. If men are largely moral, faithful and upstanding, so are the women. If men are vile, lustful, lascivious and untrustworthy, women will largely become the same way (or begin "experimenting" with other women, which is quite common in 2010 and is another topic for another day completely).
WOMAN #3 runs into MAN #2
... and it's a train wreck for the most part. Unless he's a pushover, ugly, out of shape, low self-esteem and largely unmotivated (the type of man WOMAN #3 claims to hate dealing with -- but the only one with which she can actually conduct herself in the manner of the label affixed to her), this has no way of working out.
Why, you ask?
Such a woman infringes on general principles that a "Man of Standard" lives by. I can hear the chirping and heckles from skeptical and cynical women, but truthfully, more of these men exist than you realize -- and THAT is another topic for another day altogether -- just accept it as fact and learn to recognize them apart from "all the others", because there are telling signs and most of you miss them when they're staring you right in the face.
At any rate, all the bragging about income, job status, zip code, etc. and bringing home such a combative attitude into a relationship does not sit well with MAN #2. They will constantly butt heads, whether she has more material wealth or education than he does or not. They are effectively competing against one another when they should be competing against the world TOGETHER. I've been in this situation also. Some people know how that ended, but I dare someone to not find 10 instances just like it and damn if it didn't shake out the same way as it did with me. I don't want to give details for privacy/good form reasons, but those who know, know.
The saying, "there's someone for everyone" isn't really true, either, while we're at it. Not everyone wants to even be in a relationship, first of all. Then we have to discuss the discrepancies between the number of available women vs. the number of available men and all of the subgroups that have developed amongst THOSE. It's a long, winding maze and all ends at the same supposition -- THE SAYING IS NOT TRUE.
But looking over these character types, it is a bit easier to see how and why these gender battles continue to take place and with more frequency now than ever.
Ideally, WOMAN #1 and (healthy with a spine) MAN #2 run into one another.
But then again, given how rare they are respectively, how often does THAT happen?
All the more reason to realize who you're dealing with early on and either cut your losses or CLING to them if everything else that matters to you both is agreeable. It is amazing how many people throw away relationships over trivial, materialistic, superficial and downright stupid things.
If you're a good woman and you've got a good man and you know it, why are you going to violate the 80/20 rule by going and getting with some other guy because he may make a little more money and be willing to do these outrageous things for you that you never made clear to the man you actually HAVE in the first place?
If you're a good man and you've got a good woman and you know it, why risk it for some smut who, while probably possessing a couple of STDs, and maybe another that yet has a name, will probably try to Turkey Baste your ass and have you up for the next 18-23 years? Is it really worth all that? And the grief it will cause the woman who stuck by you up until that point, through thick and thin?
Whenever God blesses me with the woman who will appreciate me for who I am, the sentiment will be reciprocated, but I wrote all of these things just to say this:
I WONDER ABOUT PEOPLE SOMETIMES.
-----------------------------------------------------------
DISCUSS>>>
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Where I Am Right Now
Where I Am Right Now
M.D. Wright
3.9.10
***EDITOR'S NOTE: Updates -- new series coming in April, will continue some of the previous series from 2009 and January/February 2010 later in the year as time permits.
Okay, so I have not written in quite some time. This year is flying by and I have had a whirlwind of a time the past six weeks. Not much of it is good news, however. Nevertheless, I try to remain optimistic and encourage myself daily (some days this requires every bit of strength that I have). I am also blessed to have people who pray the Word of God for my life -- nothing more and nothing less.
Let's see:
I began this year with lofty goals. I wanted to get Uptown Media Group, LLC up and going, kosher with the IRS and the state of New York before the summer hit. I have gotten a great deal of the paperwork out of the way, but with everything else that I have going on, and very limited capital, I (unfortunately) cannot expend too much time and energy doing so. I look forward to the day (hopefully sooner rather than later) where I can focus on my business endeavors and stop trying to fit the square piece into the round hole -- i.e. trying to be a 9-5 guy when that just isn't me.
The plan right now academically is to begin at John Jay this summer, in June, and by the first weekend in June, be prepared to re-take the LSAT, so that I can try to begin 1L in September. Right now, a few major obstacles stand in my way: I still owe UNCG a few C's and a couple of other major financial obligations that somewhat preclude me from moving forward with my education. Rather than sing a "woe is me" tune, I just push past it, keep hustling and continue to attempt to find ways to get in position to reach those goals.
Everyone knows I am sick of being on Staten Island. I don't belong out here. My heart is in Harlem and I go back 2-3 times a week. Actually just came back from the block earlier today, after being in the Heights (Washington) to visit a friend and offer some kind words for an ailing relative of hers. I hadn't seen her since the GOOD days at Aetna (i.e. before things really went sour in mid-2003). The sooner I am gainfully employed, the better (as much as I hate the idea of a 9-5, it is necessary for income right now, and the RIGHT POSITION will actually allow for personal growth, continue to solidify my knowledge base and provide a template/foundation for the large-scale plans I have beyond my academic career -- itself being a lifelong/ongoing process, as I see myself being an academic "lifer", if you will).
SEGUE.
I have never been so humiliated and upset in my life, as I have since March of 2006. I have yet to figure out what the problem is. My resume on its own merits is enough to at least get a middle management position, regardless of the level of competition and living in New York, I have entered enough offices, know enough people on the inside of enough companies to know that many of these people aren't employed on merit alone (if at all). One thing I am sick of is people attempting to dole out advice but aren't and never have been in this position. If you have, that's fine, I appreciate it, and generally those people aren't the ones doing what I am about to say in the next statement -- but if not, SHUT THE FUCK UP. All it does is get me tight and you're not helping with your generic, hollow, empty rhetoric.
I need my own space. I feel like I can't be myself. I can't be organized, I can't complain (because there's always a voice trying to rebut EVERYTHING I have to say), I'm sick of being infantilized as if I'm not a nearly 31 year old man. Anyway, few things get me tight aside from people who always have to be right and feel like they're the only ones who are allowed to know something. Are you dead ass? You don't know everything, or else you'd be without financial issues, and there would be no problems whatsoever.
Let me move back into my main points.
I am dying to move. My social life is damn near ZERO because of where I am. It takes me forever to get to the places where my friends would hang out, and I have to act as if I'm a designated driver (if you will) whenever I want to have a good time, because the trek back is enough to sober me, even though I don't drink to get shitfaced. I seriously hate the commute. I only came out here for what turned out to be a BS job, and ended up getting stuck here for almost a year now. It was never my plan to be here past August 2009. I think some of the employers in Manhattan (and elsewhere) see an SI address and automatically think it's going to lead to repeated instances of lateness and calling out. That's not my style, but I can't say I fully blame them. Just another Price Is Right Fail Horn situation for me.
I am not perfect. I don't purport myself to be. If anyone has a problem with my language or anger, TOUGH. Hit the road. As of March 2010, I'm back to being the old me, which means I don't give a fuck what you think, what you have to say, fuck your feelings if you're offended and stay the fuck outta my way if you're not on my team trying to help. I don't have time nor the energy to put up with bullshit and I have absolutely ZERO tolerance for games, nonsense and people trying to play my face. That goes for face-to-face/daily interaction or in the Social Networking world. You got one time to cross me, then you're on my Shit List and it takes TONS of penance to get off that, if ever. Knowing those rules, play at your own risk. But those who know me know how I get down, you're good bread unless you do those things. And let's face it, if you do those things, you're trying to be an ass anyway, so you get what you deserve -- i.e. the Ryan Leaf Rant treatment and a nice vintage LaDainian Tomlinson-esque stiffarm henceforth and beyond.
Back to the job situation --
I'm not sure whether it is because of my situation with my stalled non-profit and other business endeavors, which landed me in a mountain of credit card debt, or the amount of money that I doled out to pay for school at UNCG out of pocket for 4 1/2 years (including selling literally EVERYTHING I owned -- my $40,000 car, many electronics, my stock holdings, running up 1/4 of my credit balance paying off Long Island University in 2004, hospital bills dating back to when I broke my back in 2007, etc. etc. etc. or what -- but I really believe between those things and the covert means of "racial" discrimination that takes place nowadays (it's a different racism in New York than there is in the south, for instance) that is getting me the bad rap. I don't even pull the race card unless it's absolutely a viable practice, so you KNOW coming from me, there's legs to this thing.
So how is it that I can go into a job (and those closest to me know, because I send out requisitions on a nearly daily basis, sometimes multiple times daily), receive offers for interviews thrice weekly on average for the past year alone (not to mention the fact I've been OD excavating looking for jobs since March 2006 -- not JUST SINCE I graduated from UNCG), interview well, as I am well-spoken, quite articulate and speak (minus the cursing) just as I write in my blog -- and still come away with nothing? Competition my ass. New York my ass. Oh, and by the way, people suggesting I leave NY? GTFOH.. are you dead ass? It would be MORE than starting over, because most anyplace else that I would go would necessitate me taking on another major expense (another car, for the short cheese bus riders) in order to continue wasting money getting to and from interviews. I recounted how much money I've spent since July going back and forth into Manhattan, occasionally Brooklyn, and parts of Jersey even -- engaging in interviews and it is SOBERING. It makes me want to punch a hole in a wall just thinking about it. Every time I have yielded an interview from my resume and so forth, I go into it with a clean slate, no pessimism and as professional as I did with my first professional employment 12 years ago. No speaking ill of previous employers, no complaining -- all professional, all the time. I'm courteous, express myself in the truest from (those who truly know me know that's the only way I can be... transparent as Casper the Ghost), show that I'm not a robot, but rather the same person who emits verve and a sense of humor without compromising professionalism. I just can't fathom what else it could be if it is not the things I've mentioned prior. Someone can offer me insight, if they have it -- and not a bunch of BS suppositions that have long since been explored during this 4+ year journey.
You know? I wrote a lot about relationships in 2008. And I said then that I would stop trying to figure women out. It's a fruitless exercise and leads you inevitably toward futility. The only thing I understand about women is that I don't understand them. From now on, I'm citing the "U Right" skits from Boss Of All Bosses II and become another Al Bundy. Being a gentleman doesn't work ha. Seriously, though -- I am back to being the old me; that is, little to no pity for those women who are pretty much getting what they signed up for, whether they will acknowledge it or not. Dead ass. I will never understand how you can put up with something MAJORLY FOUL and make excuses for the treatment, stick around and keep coming back for more, but then make a mountain out of a molehill of nothingness -- something that is beyond trivial -- and make it seem like the Geneva Convention has been breached. DEAR GOD. Sure, men do it, but again, this is ME, trying to understand women so that ---> I <---- can marry, not wanting to hear the requisite rebuttal from women complaining about men. This isn't the forum for that, so save it.
But I really don't care about anything anymore. I've never been a contentious person, and especially now that I am so focused on my money and getting my affairs in order, again, I have no tolerance and have no problems just walking away from situations just like Flea did in Killa Season after dude got at him about trying to get at his girl (if you haven't seen the movie, go watch it -- pure gold).
I see these things on a daily basis and I really can't empathize nor sympathize anymore. I'm 30 years old and have dealt with nothing but bitches, hoes, slags, jumpoffs and no-class hoodrats over the past decade -- the common denominator -- they're always on the hunt to hurt you before you can hurt them (even if you have no intent of doing so) and trying to trap you with words (PLAYING GAMES) so they can go "aha! I knew you were just like the rest of them, NEXT!" Fuck that shit. Save me the time and act like CeCe Peniston, only in reverse. I don't care. C'est la vie.
You know what else? I'm going to continue to go IN on these "Miss Independent" types, as I speak for the general populace of men who are sick and fucking tired of this shit.
This whole thing about women was prompted by my past couple of years' experiences. Follow me, if you will.
I am on the ave every day. I walk about 75-100 blocks per day between interviewing, running errands or just chilling someplace in midtown or on the block in Harlem World. You can spot "her" a mile away. And before I even hear it, NO, I'm not just calling out Black women who fit this mold, but they do comprise most of the guilty party as a whole. These chicks are something else, though. The vibe I get now in 2010 versus the one I used to get as late as 2005 is startling. I got attention, looks, interest, etc. from women all the time, because I was making good money, drove a nice car, wore flashy/classy clothes and well, being me, I am very expressive and don't mind talking about a variety of different topics. I am Renaissance Man of sorts. But while none of that has changed, after sacrificing my ENTIRE LIFE and financial well-being to pay for college -- something that should really be respected, more than criticized (especially since it hasn't done any good to have done so -- at least to this point), that vibe has changed. I notice how many of "them" will go out of their way to make sure you notice them rolling their eyes and turning away with their noses up. AND THAT'S WHEN I'M DRESSED PROFESSIONALLY walking down 5th Avenue. Christ Almighty forget about it if I'm just laid back in some A|X jeans and a plain top and Mikes.
Then if you ever have the (dis)pleasure of entering into conversation with them, everything is about their resume. Seriously. This is 2010. No one cares that you went to X school and have Y job and paid Z amount for your car, home, clothes, etc. I don't run down that list, never did, never will when I get to my apex again, and I don't want to hear it. At my age, those things are immaterial. And as my 20s proved, they can be VERY MUCH FLEETING, regardless of how many safeguards you put in place to prevent it from being so. Save your shit. I don't care. If you're not expressing qualities that can foster and cultivate a healthy RELATIONSHIP, then I really don't care. Besides, if a man were to do those things, you know the only type of women who care are golddiggers looking for a Sugar Daddy. HONESTLY -- and I want to hear from the ladies about this (to confirm what I already know) -- when considering a guy in "that" regard, as long as he's doing HIM, do you really care to hear about all of his accomplishments, status and how much he spends on X, Y, Z? No, I didn't think so. Because if he's a douche or a complete asshole, and you're looking for a lasting relationship/marriage, none of those things has even a iota of significance in developing such a covenant. Let's cut the bullshit and be honest here.
But I will say, on a daily basis, I get these looks a good dozen or so times. From a wide variety of women. And most of us can tell who's unemployed, underemployed, a student, a drifter, a freelancer, a manager or a higher-up executive or what have you. It's not fool-proof, but everything is about class in this city, and the savvy ones amongst us can tell -- not so much by clothes, although they are an indicator -- who's who. And as I said, if I'm not dressed to the 9's, FUHGETTABOUTIT.
However, I've been amused of late, though. Because I passed this chick just today, early over by The Rock (Rockefeller Plaza) as I was heading over to one of my spots to cop some Cloves. Young chick. probably mid-late 20s, Black, dressed very nicely. Obviously has a nice job. I can just get that vibe. I'm saying to myself -- "that's word???" and I get closer, look at her, and she goes out of her way to roll her eyes and looks the other way HARD (no homo). Now, I'm not the most attractive dude in the world, but seriously, WTF is that all about? That's a very common occurrence. Whereas, I have noticed the women who aren't on that Miss Independent trash come off completely affable and easily approachable. Hmmmm.
And they say that the Miss Independents of the world are unhappy. Well, hey, unless they actually want to be alone for the rest of their lives and happy with that, I can see WHY they are, and I have no pity for them. I don't want to have anything to do with such a woman and refuse to patronize nor take part in any of the condescension. Seriously. You are my EQUAL, at best. And if not my equal, then less than that because of your arrogance and over-inflated sense of self-importance. This is what most men who are SECURE in who they are, and don't care what a woman makes per annum and what side of Central Park she lives on -- ALL THINK. I cannot speak for the Neanderthal Man or the pipsqueaks who have complexes about women moving ahead. Seriously, I couldn't care less. I'm happy for anyone's success. You can never call me a hater, because supreme confidence and jealousy do not mix. And I haven't met a created human being who can knock my confidence. Those who know me know mine never wavers, despite all of the trials and tribulations I've endured over the past 5 years. But this whole "movement" has to stop. I've written in detail about how this relatively new phenomenon came about (and WHOSE jobs/academic opportunities are spared in order for these very women to be in the positions they're in nowadays), but I shant go there. This is probably the biggest hindrance to Black Male/Black Female relationships. But that's for the people who care about that dynamic to discuss. Personally, you already know I am not a piece of property or part of some tribe, so I'm not understanding where this "our men" sentiment comes from. No one has rights of first refusal to Black men, where they do that at ha???
With regards to my other plans, (on a lighter note), I always have a new hustle and always looking for ways to bring my past endeavors to fruition. I am looking to work with highly energetic, innovative and creative thinkers. Not just for Uptown Media Group, LLC (visit us and register at http://www.uptownmediagroup.webs.com), but for all of my ventures -- AllOut Business Consulting, Inc., Solid Rock Collegiate Outreach, Inc. and the publishing/music production that will be coming back to the surface after a couple years' hiatus.
However, that is all for now. More updates coming within the next 2-3 weeks, as my birthday is quickly approaching on March 30, and some opportunities are on the horizon as I speak. By the end of this week, I should have some very good news to share.
DISCUSS>>>
M.D. Wright
3.9.10
***EDITOR'S NOTE: Updates -- new series coming in April, will continue some of the previous series from 2009 and January/February 2010 later in the year as time permits.
Okay, so I have not written in quite some time. This year is flying by and I have had a whirlwind of a time the past six weeks. Not much of it is good news, however. Nevertheless, I try to remain optimistic and encourage myself daily (some days this requires every bit of strength that I have). I am also blessed to have people who pray the Word of God for my life -- nothing more and nothing less.
Let's see:
I began this year with lofty goals. I wanted to get Uptown Media Group, LLC up and going, kosher with the IRS and the state of New York before the summer hit. I have gotten a great deal of the paperwork out of the way, but with everything else that I have going on, and very limited capital, I (unfortunately) cannot expend too much time and energy doing so. I look forward to the day (hopefully sooner rather than later) where I can focus on my business endeavors and stop trying to fit the square piece into the round hole -- i.e. trying to be a 9-5 guy when that just isn't me.
The plan right now academically is to begin at John Jay this summer, in June, and by the first weekend in June, be prepared to re-take the LSAT, so that I can try to begin 1L in September. Right now, a few major obstacles stand in my way: I still owe UNCG a few C's and a couple of other major financial obligations that somewhat preclude me from moving forward with my education. Rather than sing a "woe is me" tune, I just push past it, keep hustling and continue to attempt to find ways to get in position to reach those goals.
Everyone knows I am sick of being on Staten Island. I don't belong out here. My heart is in Harlem and I go back 2-3 times a week. Actually just came back from the block earlier today, after being in the Heights (Washington) to visit a friend and offer some kind words for an ailing relative of hers. I hadn't seen her since the GOOD days at Aetna (i.e. before things really went sour in mid-2003). The sooner I am gainfully employed, the better (as much as I hate the idea of a 9-5, it is necessary for income right now, and the RIGHT POSITION will actually allow for personal growth, continue to solidify my knowledge base and provide a template/foundation for the large-scale plans I have beyond my academic career -- itself being a lifelong/ongoing process, as I see myself being an academic "lifer", if you will).
SEGUE.
I have never been so humiliated and upset in my life, as I have since March of 2006. I have yet to figure out what the problem is. My resume on its own merits is enough to at least get a middle management position, regardless of the level of competition and living in New York, I have entered enough offices, know enough people on the inside of enough companies to know that many of these people aren't employed on merit alone (if at all). One thing I am sick of is people attempting to dole out advice but aren't and never have been in this position. If you have, that's fine, I appreciate it, and generally those people aren't the ones doing what I am about to say in the next statement -- but if not, SHUT THE FUCK UP. All it does is get me tight and you're not helping with your generic, hollow, empty rhetoric.
Let me move back into my main points.
I am dying to move. My social life is damn near ZERO because of where I am. It takes me forever to get to the places where my friends would hang out, and I have to act as if I'm a designated driver (if you will) whenever I want to have a good time, because the trek back is enough to sober me, even though I don't drink to get shitfaced. I seriously hate the commute. I only came out here for what turned out to be a BS job, and ended up getting stuck here for almost a year now. It was never my plan to be here past August 2009. I think some of the employers in Manhattan (and elsewhere) see an SI address and automatically think it's going to lead to repeated instances of lateness and calling out. That's not my style, but I can't say I fully blame them. Just another Price Is Right Fail Horn situation for me.
I am not perfect. I don't purport myself to be. If anyone has a problem with my language or anger, TOUGH. Hit the road. As of March 2010, I'm back to being the old me, which means I don't give a fuck what you think, what you have to say, fuck your feelings if you're offended and stay the fuck outta my way if you're not on my team trying to help. I don't have time nor the energy to put up with bullshit and I have absolutely ZERO tolerance for games, nonsense and people trying to play my face. That goes for face-to-face/daily interaction or in the Social Networking world. You got one time to cross me, then you're on my Shit List and it takes TONS of penance to get off that, if ever. Knowing those rules, play at your own risk. But those who know me know how I get down, you're good bread unless you do those things. And let's face it, if you do those things, you're trying to be an ass anyway, so you get what you deserve -- i.e. the Ryan Leaf Rant treatment and a nice vintage LaDainian Tomlinson-esque stiffarm henceforth and beyond.
Back to the job situation --
I'm not sure whether it is because of my situation with my stalled non-profit and other business endeavors, which landed me in a mountain of credit card debt, or the amount of money that I doled out to pay for school at UNCG out of pocket for 4 1/2 years (including selling literally EVERYTHING I owned -- my $40,000 car, many electronics, my stock holdings, running up 1/4 of my credit balance paying off Long Island University in 2004, hospital bills dating back to when I broke my back in 2007, etc. etc. etc. or what -- but I really believe between those things and the covert means of "racial" discrimination that takes place nowadays (it's a different racism in New York than there is in the south, for instance) that is getting me the bad rap. I don't even pull the race card unless it's absolutely a viable practice, so you KNOW coming from me, there's legs to this thing.
So how is it that I can go into a job (and those closest to me know, because I send out requisitions on a nearly daily basis, sometimes multiple times daily), receive offers for interviews thrice weekly on average for the past year alone (not to mention the fact I've been OD excavating looking for jobs since March 2006 -- not JUST SINCE I graduated from UNCG), interview well, as I am well-spoken, quite articulate and speak (minus the cursing) just as I write in my blog -- and still come away with nothing? Competition my ass. New York my ass. Oh, and by the way, people suggesting I leave NY? GTFOH.. are you dead ass? It would be MORE than starting over, because most anyplace else that I would go would necessitate me taking on another major expense (another car, for the short cheese bus riders) in order to continue wasting money getting to and from interviews. I recounted how much money I've spent since July going back and forth into Manhattan, occasionally Brooklyn, and parts of Jersey even -- engaging in interviews and it is SOBERING. It makes me want to punch a hole in a wall just thinking about it. Every time I have yielded an interview from my resume and so forth, I go into it with a clean slate, no pessimism and as professional as I did with my first professional employment 12 years ago. No speaking ill of previous employers, no complaining -- all professional, all the time. I'm courteous, express myself in the truest from (those who truly know me know that's the only way I can be... transparent as Casper the Ghost), show that I'm not a robot, but rather the same person who emits verve and a sense of humor without compromising professionalism. I just can't fathom what else it could be if it is not the things I've mentioned prior. Someone can offer me insight, if they have it -- and not a bunch of BS suppositions that have long since been explored during this 4+ year journey.
You know? I wrote a lot about relationships in 2008. And I said then that I would stop trying to figure women out. It's a fruitless exercise and leads you inevitably toward futility. The only thing I understand about women is that I don't understand them. From now on, I'm citing the "U Right" skits from Boss Of All Bosses II and become another Al Bundy. Being a gentleman doesn't work ha. Seriously, though -- I am back to being the old me; that is, little to no pity for those women who are pretty much getting what they signed up for, whether they will acknowledge it or not. Dead ass. I will never understand how you can put up with something MAJORLY FOUL and make excuses for the treatment, stick around and keep coming back for more, but then make a mountain out of a molehill of nothingness -- something that is beyond trivial -- and make it seem like the Geneva Convention has been breached. DEAR GOD. Sure, men do it, but again, this is ME, trying to understand women so that ---> I <---- can marry, not wanting to hear the requisite rebuttal from women complaining about men. This isn't the forum for that, so save it.
But I really don't care about anything anymore. I've never been a contentious person, and especially now that I am so focused on my money and getting my affairs in order, again, I have no tolerance and have no problems just walking away from situations just like Flea did in Killa Season after dude got at him about trying to get at his girl (if you haven't seen the movie, go watch it -- pure gold).
I see these things on a daily basis and I really can't empathize nor sympathize anymore. I'm 30 years old and have dealt with nothing but bitches, hoes, slags, jumpoffs and no-class hoodrats over the past decade -- the common denominator -- they're always on the hunt to hurt you before you can hurt them (even if you have no intent of doing so) and trying to trap you with words (PLAYING GAMES) so they can go "aha! I knew you were just like the rest of them, NEXT!" Fuck that shit. Save me the time and act like CeCe Peniston, only in reverse. I don't care. C'est la vie.
You know what else? I'm going to continue to go IN on these "Miss Independent" types, as I speak for the general populace of men who are sick and fucking tired of this shit.
This whole thing about women was prompted by my past couple of years' experiences. Follow me, if you will.
I am on the ave every day. I walk about 75-100 blocks per day between interviewing, running errands or just chilling someplace in midtown or on the block in Harlem World. You can spot "her" a mile away. And before I even hear it, NO, I'm not just calling out Black women who fit this mold, but they do comprise most of the guilty party as a whole. These chicks are something else, though. The vibe I get now in 2010 versus the one I used to get as late as 2005 is startling. I got attention, looks, interest, etc. from women all the time, because I was making good money, drove a nice car, wore flashy/classy clothes and well, being me, I am very expressive and don't mind talking about a variety of different topics. I am Renaissance Man of sorts. But while none of that has changed, after sacrificing my ENTIRE LIFE and financial well-being to pay for college -- something that should really be respected, more than criticized (especially since it hasn't done any good to have done so -- at least to this point), that vibe has changed. I notice how many of "them" will go out of their way to make sure you notice them rolling their eyes and turning away with their noses up. AND THAT'S WHEN I'M DRESSED PROFESSIONALLY walking down 5th Avenue. Christ Almighty forget about it if I'm just laid back in some A|X jeans and a plain top and Mikes.
Then if you ever have the (dis)pleasure of entering into conversation with them, everything is about their resume. Seriously. This is 2010. No one cares that you went to X school and have Y job and paid Z amount for your car, home, clothes, etc. I don't run down that list, never did, never will when I get to my apex again, and I don't want to hear it. At my age, those things are immaterial. And as my 20s proved, they can be VERY MUCH FLEETING, regardless of how many safeguards you put in place to prevent it from being so. Save your shit. I don't care. If you're not expressing qualities that can foster and cultivate a healthy RELATIONSHIP, then I really don't care. Besides, if a man were to do those things, you know the only type of women who care are golddiggers looking for a Sugar Daddy. HONESTLY -- and I want to hear from the ladies about this (to confirm what I already know) -- when considering a guy in "that" regard, as long as he's doing HIM, do you really care to hear about all of his accomplishments, status and how much he spends on X, Y, Z? No, I didn't think so. Because if he's a douche or a complete asshole, and you're looking for a lasting relationship/marriage, none of those things has even a iota of significance in developing such a covenant. Let's cut the bullshit and be honest here.
But I will say, on a daily basis, I get these looks a good dozen or so times. From a wide variety of women. And most of us can tell who's unemployed, underemployed, a student, a drifter, a freelancer, a manager or a higher-up executive or what have you. It's not fool-proof, but everything is about class in this city, and the savvy ones amongst us can tell -- not so much by clothes, although they are an indicator -- who's who. And as I said, if I'm not dressed to the 9's, FUHGETTABOUTIT.
However, I've been amused of late, though. Because I passed this chick just today, early over by The Rock (Rockefeller Plaza) as I was heading over to one of my spots to cop some Cloves. Young chick. probably mid-late 20s, Black, dressed very nicely. Obviously has a nice job. I can just get that vibe. I'm saying to myself -- "that's word???" and I get closer, look at her, and she goes out of her way to roll her eyes and looks the other way HARD (no homo). Now, I'm not the most attractive dude in the world, but seriously, WTF is that all about? That's a very common occurrence. Whereas, I have noticed the women who aren't on that Miss Independent trash come off completely affable and easily approachable. Hmmmm.
And they say that the Miss Independents of the world are unhappy. Well, hey, unless they actually want to be alone for the rest of their lives and happy with that, I can see WHY they are, and I have no pity for them. I don't want to have anything to do with such a woman and refuse to patronize nor take part in any of the condescension. Seriously. You are my EQUAL, at best. And if not my equal, then less than that because of your arrogance and over-inflated sense of self-importance. This is what most men who are SECURE in who they are, and don't care what a woman makes per annum and what side of Central Park she lives on -- ALL THINK. I cannot speak for the Neanderthal Man or the pipsqueaks who have complexes about women moving ahead. Seriously, I couldn't care less. I'm happy for anyone's success. You can never call me a hater, because supreme confidence and jealousy do not mix. And I haven't met a created human being who can knock my confidence. Those who know me know mine never wavers, despite all of the trials and tribulations I've endured over the past 5 years. But this whole "movement" has to stop. I've written in detail about how this relatively new phenomenon came about (and WHOSE jobs/academic opportunities are spared in order for these very women to be in the positions they're in nowadays), but I shant go there. This is probably the biggest hindrance to Black Male/Black Female relationships. But that's for the people who care about that dynamic to discuss. Personally, you already know I am not a piece of property or part of some tribe, so I'm not understanding where this "our men" sentiment comes from. No one has rights of first refusal to Black men, where they do that at ha???
With regards to my other plans, (on a lighter note), I always have a new hustle and always looking for ways to bring my past endeavors to fruition. I am looking to work with highly energetic, innovative and creative thinkers. Not just for Uptown Media Group, LLC (visit us and register at http://www.uptownmediagroup.webs.com), but for all of my ventures -- AllOut Business Consulting, Inc., Solid Rock Collegiate Outreach, Inc. and the publishing/music production that will be coming back to the surface after a couple years' hiatus.
However, that is all for now. More updates coming within the next 2-3 weeks, as my birthday is quickly approaching on March 30, and some opportunities are on the horizon as I speak. By the end of this week, I should have some very good news to share.
DISCUSS>>>
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