Why Men Don't "Open Up" Nor Commit

Why Men Don't "Open Up" Nor Commit
By Michael D. Wright
9.23.08

I will keep this one short, because it doesn't warrant much explanation.

However, as most of you know, I have a great number of female acquaintances and some of them are true friends. And with those who are close to my age, I hear a lot of gripes about men. Most of what they say is on point and true, sadly, but one of the questions that I get asked quite a bit (as if I'm some sort of relationship expert) is "Why is it so hard for men to commit?" and "No matter what I try, he won't open up!"

Well, the answer is quite simple -- maybe it is because I am a man.

1. Most men are scared to death of the idea of committing. For starters, it (for most men) means they have to cut some things out that they've been accustomed to doing for the sake of having a healthy relationship. They do indeed realize when they have a good woman and don't want to lose her, but at the same time, the prospect of keeping vows, avoiding jumpoffs and other activities that are detrimental to the relationship is a scary one.

I liken it to a person who knows God through Jesus Christ, knows what the Bible says concerning the things they are doing (sin) and fighting the urge to yield to the temptation of engaging in those acts -- while facing a sure-fire improvement by turning to God instead of their fleshly desires. That is something that everyone faces: TEMPTATION (whether you believe in Christ or not).

Do I yield to the temptation and know eventually that nothing good will come of this?
Do I avoid the temptation and turn away, do what is right and benefit long-term, even though my desires lead me the other way?

This is what goes on in a man's mind when he has a good woman.

Now of course if he's with a slag or a jumpoff, all bets are off.

2. Opening up is synonymous with being "sensitive" (in the negative sense) or being a "sissy", "soft", "whipped", "hen-pecked" or any other adjective you can come up with. Along with that, women, now more than ever, are trying to keep up with their male counterparts when it comes to infidelity and betrayal.

Knowing this, most men are not going to open up their hearts about anything past the superficial when he knows that chances are 1) This relationship may not last, and whatever I say to her can be used as blackmail or topic of mockery and ridicule amongst her "girls" and/or 2) The minute you open up to a woman and start telling her things that are buried in the deep recesses of your heart and soul is the best way to become a hen-pecked husband or boyfriend. Once that happens, information can be manipulated out of you very easily and she'll walk right over you in every disagreement.

If a man wanted to "open up" in the 1960s or 1970s... maybe even as late as the mid-1980s, he did not have to worry as much about the potential of that information being used against him, because the number of female "playas" was much like the price of gasoline: $.59/gallon in 1985, $4.14/gallon in 2008... whereas 1 in 10 women was a playa back then, now every other woman you come across is working an angle/a playa/whore/generally can't be trusted -- you generally knew who the female playas were back then -- they were obvious, and you have a few pew-warmers (had a few experiences with this type myself; one of them had the audacity to use my access to a particular pastor just so she could get him in the sack!) and sneaky types who cheated on their man for 30 years and he never even suspected a thing (I've seen it happen first-hand).

Men are stupid when it comes to certain things, but knowing these facts about women -- especially in 2008, they aren't as dumb as they appear.

So if you find yourself wondering why a man won't open up or commit as quickly as women are willing to, keep these facts in mind. It's a form of self-preservation, not because he doesn't love or care for you, but because in the back (as well as the forefront) of his mind, he knows everything I just said is true. Prove yourself trustworthy over a period of time and like Maxwell used to say "don't ever wonder" about ol' boy again.

Peace.